Frog Story.

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs….. who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants…….

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The race began….. Honestly: No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

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You heard statements such as: “Oh, WAY too difficult !!” or “Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high.” The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one….. Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher.

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The crowd continued to yell, “It’s too difficult. No one will make it.” More tiny frogs got tired and gave up……. But ONE continued higher and higher…… This one wouldn’t give up !

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At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top.

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THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

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It turned out….. That the winner was DEAF !!!

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The wisdom of this story is : Never listen to other people’s tendendcies to be negatve or pessimistic ……. because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you ~~ the ones you have in your heart !

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Always think of the power the words have. Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions ! Therefore : ALWAYS be …… POSITIVE.

And above all: Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams. Always think: God and I can do this !!

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Most people walk in and out of your life……. But FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.

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To the world you might be one person; But to one person you might be the world.

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If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11 times.

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Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. Mark Twain.

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The greatest discoveries all start with the question “Why”? Dr, Robert D. Ballard.

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Persons Are Gifts.

Some are wrapped beautifully;

they are very attractive when I first see them;

Some come in ordinary wrapping paper.

Others have been mishandled in the mail;

Once in a while there is a specal delivery.

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Men's Rules.

Nice day, so I raked up five barrow loads of Autumn leaves.

They look lovely on the trees, but not so great all over my

lawns, paths and garden. All tidy again, SO I expect either

a wind storm or rain. I am not usually a pessimist, but my

back really complains with this sort of work.

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I received this today in an E-mail and I predict that the menfolk will enjoy it. Thanks Jan.

<><><> Men’s Rules. <><><>

We always hear “the rules” from the female side.

Now here are “the rules” from the male side.

Please note these are all numbered “1” on purpose’

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1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work ! Strong hints do not work ! Obvious hints do not work ! JUST SAY IT.

1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help to solve it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of,the ways makes you sad or angry. We meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, NOT BOTH. If you already know best how to do it just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christophe Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors like Windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as :

_ Sex

_ Sport or

_ Cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape ~ Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that. It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can to give them an

education.

<><><><><><> And if you didn’t enjoy that ~~~

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said: “ I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger !”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

<><><><><> Still not happy? <><><><><>

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give, Winston Churchill.

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said. Peter F. Drucker.

It is not enough to have a good mind, the main thing is to use it well. Rene Descartes.

A Good teacher Explains…A Superior teacher Demonstrates… A GREAT teacher Inspires. Unknown.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Mahatma Gandhi.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein.

Adults are obsolete children. Dr. Seuss.

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Favourite Things.

Thanks for all the comments folks. Much appreciated.

I found this version of the song from The Sound

of Music. I kind of think it is aimed at us seniors.!!

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Favorite Things.

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Mucaine and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string

These are a few of our favourite things.

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Sore backs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,

Polidents and Fixadent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

These are a few of our favorite things,

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When the pipes leak, when the bones creak,

When the knees go bad, We simply remember our

favorite things, and then we don’t feel so bad.

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Hot teas and crumpets, and and corn pads for bunions

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of our favorite things.

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Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinning,

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinning,

And we won’t mention our short, shrunken frames,

If we can remember our friends and their names.

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When the joints ache, when the hips break,

When the eyes go sad,

We simply remember the great life we’ve had,

And then we don’t feel so bad !

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<><><><><> “Blonde guy joke.” <><><><><>

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing

construction work on scaffoldng on the 20^th floor

of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said “Corned

beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage

one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this

building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,

“Burritos again. If I get burritos one more time I’m

going to jump off too.”

The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again.

If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

The next day the Irishman opened his lunchbox, saw

corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and he

jumped too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped

to his death too.

At the funeral the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said,

“If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and

cabbage, I never would have given it to him again.”

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him ham

tacos or enchiladas. I didn’t realise he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife.

“Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “he makes his own lunch.”

<>><><><> Have a great weekend. <><><><><><>

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Positive Thoughts.

Hi Folks ~~ I found another small poem that I thought

you might like. And the usual couple of jokes.

<><><> Positive Thoughts. <><><>

I am seeking positive thoughts today

To give me guidance along my way

Too many times the only color I see is blue

You know the deep down in your soul déjà vu

I’m thinking I’m on the right track

Then I look back

Seems I’m getting nowhere fast

Are the actors in my life’s play miscast?

So give me some positive thoughts today

Help me put aside my dismay

Say”Hey Girl you know what to do

Raise your head and work it through”

Thank you kindly, appreciate your advice

Enjoyed this little talking to

Just between me, myself, and you.

<><> Sage Largo. <><>

<><><><><>

Sheldon Cohen.

A man walks to 5th Ave. & 42nd St. during a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi immediately. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Sheldon."

"Who?"

"Sheldon Cohen. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my cab being vacant during a rainstorm. It would have happened like that for Sheldon every single time."

"Well, no one is perfect. There are always a few clouds over everybody", stated the passenger.

"Not Sheldon. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star. He was more handsome and sophisticated than Cary Grant. He had a better body than Arnold in his prime. He was something. Somehow Sheldon just knew exactly how to make women happy. He had a memory like a computer; could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Notlike me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

"Wow, incredible, no wonder you remember him!"

"Well, I never actually met Sheldon."

“Then how do you know so much about him?”

“I married his ex-wife.”

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A 12 year old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the window wound down. “I’ll give you a bag of lollies if you get in the car” said the driver.

“No way”, replied the boy. “How about a bag of lollies and $10”? asked the driver. “I said no way,” replied the irritated youngster.

“What about a bag of juicy lollies and $50, eh?” quizzed the driver, still rolling slowly to keep up with the walking boy. “No, I’m not getting in the friggin’ car” answered the boy.

“OK, OK, I know what you want. I’ll give you $100 and a bag of lollies,” the driver offered. “NO”, screamed the boy.

“What will it take to get you in the car?” asked the driver with a long sigh. The boy replied, “Listen Dad, you bought the Volvo, you live with it.”

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Alcohol ~~ The perfect way to remove unwanted brain cells.

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In marriage there are three rings : the engagement ring,

the wedding ring, and the suffering.

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Be Thankful.

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something,

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

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Be thankful for the difficult times.

During these times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,

because they give you opportunities for improvement.

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Be thankful for each new challenge,

because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for youe mistakes.

They will teach you valuable lessons.

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Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,

because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who

are also thankful for the setbacks.

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Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,

and they can become your blessings.

<><><><><><> Author unknown. <><><><><><>

I found this nice little poem in a scrapbook I have and thought it may appeal to some of my friends.

Today I have spent a good deal of time cooking meals and a nice big supply of Pea and Ham soup. Yum.

Nice with toast for my evening meal, because I like to have my main meal at midday, and hopefully walk a bit of it off before nightfall.

I am usually still up at midnight, a night owl like my brother Peter. Neither of us are very early risers, you can’t do it both ways.

Now to find a joke or two……

<><><><><> Not a very nice one ………

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.

She was wearing a loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless

with straps. He was wearing jeans and T-shirt.

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As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in

front of a large silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.

He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and

two feet, he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.

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He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband noticing the excitement thought it was funny.

He suggested his wife tease the poor fellow some more by

puckering his lips and wiggling her bottom.

She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making

noises that would wake the dead.

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Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps

fall and show a little more skin.

This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

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“Now, tell him you have a headache.”

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One morning a man comes into the church on crutches.

He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some

of it on both his legs, then throws away his crutches.

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An altar boy sees the whole thing, and ran straight to the

rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen.

Without batting an eye, the priest says: “Son, you’ve just

witnessd a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?”

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“Over by the holy water, Father. Flat on his back.”

<><><><><><><> A few sayings. <><><><><><>

Communication is to a relationship what breathing

is to living. Virginia Satir.

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The time is always right to do what is right.

Martin Luther King Jr.

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The best mirror is an old friend. George Herbert.

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Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art.

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How True.

Last night I could not put a link to wish Janice a Happy Birthday.

Will try again after advice from Peter.

Her birthday was 16th May. So maybe this will work. Sorry, still not working.

I hope she had a good day.

I went shopping today and the food cupboards and refrigerator are full

again and a few in the freezer. Have to start cooking again tomorrow.

<><><><> Joke Time. <><><><>

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money..Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

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A man is driving in the country when his car breaks down, and while he is looking under the bonnet a cow wanders over and stands next to him.

"What's the problem?" asks the cow. "Dunno," says the man, "it just stopped."

"Sounds like a fuel problem to me," says the cow and wanders off.

A few minutes later a farmer stops and offers to help.

"you won't believe what just happened," says the motorist. "A cow just told me

I had a fuel problem."

"Was it a white cow with a brown spot over her eye?" asks the farmer.

"Yes it was," said the man.

"Oh that's Bessy," said the farmer. "But I would not take any notice of her.

She doesn't know anything about cars,"

<><><><><> The Power of a Smile. <><><><>

She smiled at the sorrowful stranger. The smiling seemed to make him feel better.

He remembered past kindnesses of a friend and wrote him a thank you letter.

The friend was so pleased with the thank you that he left a large tip after lunch.

The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip. bet the whole thing on a hunch.

The next day she picked up her winnings, and gave part to a man on the street.

The man on the street was grateful; for two days he'd had nothing to eat.

After he finished his dinner, he left for his dingy room.

He didn't know at that moment that he might be facing his doom.

On the way he picked up a shivering puppy and took him home to get warm.

The puppy was very grateful to be in out of the storm.

That night the house caught on fire the puppy barked the alarm.

He barked till he woke the whole household and saved everybody from harm.

One of the boys that he rescued grew up to be President.

All this because of a simple smile that hadn't cost a cent.

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Happy Birthday Janice

My blogging friend Janice is having a birthday on the 16^th May.

I hope you have a great day Janice. You can wish her a Happy Birthday

at http://ladyjanice.blogspot.com/

Bubba ~~ Thanks for your comment. I could not reach your blog today.

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Another day almost over. I had my 3 monthly check-up at

my Doctor today, and all is well. Blood pressure and diabetes

all doing the right thing. Now I can have a chocolate.!!

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Today I got the most beautiful Happy Grandmother’s Day card

from my grand-daughter who we visited recently on the outskirts

of Brisbane. Thank you so much Bec, you chose a beautiful card

as usual And yes, I cried! Love you.

<><><><><> A joke John sent me. <><><><>

Man and Wife at Restaurant A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

<><><><> MEN’S THESAURUS> <><><><>

“I’m going fishing” Means: I’m going to drink myself dangerouslystupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.

“Can I help with dinner?” Means: Why isn’t it already on the table?

“Uh Huh”, “Sure Hon”, or “Yes Dear” Means: Absolutely nothing. It is a conditional response.

“Take a break Honey, You’re working too hard.” Means: I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

“That’s interesting Dear.” Means Are you still talking?

“Oh, Don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.” Means: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.

“I can’t find it.” Means: It didn’t fall into my outstreched hands, so I’m completely clueless.

“What did I do this time?” Means: What did you catch me at?

“You know I could never love anyone else.” Means: I am used to the way you yell at me, and I realise it could be worse.

“I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.” Means: No one will ever see us alive again.

“We share the housework.” Means: I make the messes, and she cleans them up.

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Rose.

Hi everyone ~~ I hope it has been a lovely day for you all, especially the

many Mothers among us. I have had a good day ~ starting with the Macca”s

Hot Cakes and Maple syrup.. We were too early for the shops and I told John

not to worry about that. But later on, he came back and took me to a couple

of shops, which was great. No time to look around on my food shopping day.

All three of my other kids rang me so it was a good day. John gave me a new

door-bell that plays some of my team (Carlton)’s theme song. This is our

Australian Rules football or footy for short. And they actually had a win for

a nice change. Hope they win a few more. For Janice , not soccer and

Yes Brekkie is a short name for breakfast, and Tip-Top is a major Bakery in Oz.

We are strange here I guess. Maybe it is being upside down in the world.

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ROSE.

YOU HAVE PROBABLY SEEN IT BEFORE, AS I HAVE, BUT IT'S A GOODIE.

A good mantra to live by

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk non-stop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me

. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.

She loved to dress up and she revelled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.

I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know." (this cracked me up!)

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humour every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose

." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY,

. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

"Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there

<><><><><> Some phrases of Wisdom.. <><><><><>

1. If you are too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3, Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

<><><><><><>

Aussie Love Poem.

Of course I love ya darling

You’re a bloody top notch bird

And when I say ur gorgeous

I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side

I don’t mind a bit of flab

It means that when I’m ready

There is something there to grab

So your belly isn’t flat no more

I tell ya, I don’t care

So long as when I cuddle ya

I can get my arms around there

No sheila who is your age

Has nice round perky breasts

They just gave way to gravity

But I know ya did your best

I’m telling ya the truth now

I never tell ya lies

I think it’s very sexy

That you’ve got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna’s grave now

The moment when we met

I thought u was as good as

I was ever gonna get

No matter wot u look like

I’ll always love ya dear

Now shut up while the footy’s on

And get me another beer !!

<><><><><> Typical Aussie !! <><><><><>

<><><><><><><><> ~ Colonel Sanders. ~ <><><><>

After watching sales fall off for three months straight

at K F C, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a

favour. The Pope says. “What can I do?” The Colonel says,

“I need you to change the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this

day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’

If you do this, I’ll donate $10 million to the Vatican.”

The Pope replies, “I am sorry. That is the Lord’s Prayer and

I cannot change the words.” The Colonel hangs up.

<><><><>

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel calls again.

“Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I’ll donate

$50 million if you change the words of the daily prayer from

‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily

chicken’. The Pope responds, “It is very tempting, Colonel

Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much

money. It would help us to support many charities. But again,

I must decline. It is the Lord’s Prayer and I can’t change the

words.” So the Colonel gives up again.

<><><><>

After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel gets

desperate. “This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you

change the words of the daily prayer from ‘Give us this day

our daily bread’ to ‘ Give us this day our daily chicken, I will

donate $100 million to the Vatican.” The Pope replies, “Let me

get back to you.”

<<><><>

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and

he says, “I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that K F C is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican.” The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks

about the bad news. The Pope replies, The bad news is that

we lost the Tip-Top account.”

<><><><><>

<><><><> I hope you enjoyed those jokes and got a laugh.

A very happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers, grandmas and

even great grandmas. Have a happy day.

<><><><>

I am having “Hot Cakes and Maple Syrup” at McDonalds in

the morning with my son John. A hell of a lot better than being tied up. Don’t you think?

Last time I had this brekkie was with Jacqui and Walter. Thanks, Walter, your idea.

<><><><><>

The Donkey

My City of Shepparton has been in the news again this week.

On Tuesday night a local 21 year old girl, named Amanda Garner

and her partner Grant Denyer won the “Dancing with the stars”

A competitive show on TV. Amanda and her brother Peter have

won numerous dance competitions all over the world.

She was the trainer for Grant, who is a weather-man and so

is considered a celebrity. They looked wonderful dancing all

the various dances. Amanda and Peter are going to England

very soon to compete there.

<><><>

Then last night, a Shepparton mother was chosen Mother of the Year.

She has 6 children and 8 grandchildren and cares for a child with a severe

diability. She has worked with disabled children for 15 years, and last year

she donated a kidney to one of her sons. She was chosen Mother of the

year in Victoria, but last night Australian Mother of the year.

<><><><>

I wont mention that about 5 people were charged with drug

offenses. Growing and possessing Marijuana and other drugs.

We can’t win them all !!!

<><><><><> My story tonight is called ~ The Donkey. <><><>

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

<><><>

He invited all his neighbors to come over to help him.

They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into

the well. At first, the donkey realised what was happening and

cried horribly. Then to everyone’s amazement he quietened down.

<><><><>

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the

well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel

of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something

amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

<><><><>

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of

the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty

soon everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the

edge of the well and happily trotted off !

<><><><>

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick

to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up,

Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of

the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up !

Shake it off and take a step up.

<><><><>

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

<><><><>

NOW ~~ Enough of that crap. . . .

<><><><>

The donkey later came back, and bit the s**t out of the

farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite

got infected, ad the farmer eventually died in agony from

septic shock.

<><><><>

MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass,

it always comes back to bite you.

<><><><> Another suspect joke for you.

There were three men stranded on an island with a dead

body. Their only source of food was the body.

They agreed to share it, but had to choose what body part

to eat, depending on what soccer team they supported.

<><><>

The Manchester United fan said he would have the chest.

The Liverpool fan thought it a bit extreme, but he knew

what he had to do.

<><><>

The Arsenil fan said he wasn’t hungry.

Yes I know ~~ Not very nice.

<><><>

Thought for the day : The future masters of technology

will have to be light-hearted and intelligent.

The machine easily masters the grim and the dumb.

Marshall McLuhan, Canadan communications theorist.

<><><><>

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the sky and he’ll

believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he will

have to touch it to be sure.

<><><><>

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires

a computer.

<><><><>

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said

than done.

<><><><>

*