<><><><> MEN’S THESAURUS> <><><><>
“I’m going fishing” Means: I’m going to drink myself dangerouslystupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.
“Can I help with dinner?” Means: Why isn’t it already on the table?
“Uh Huh”, “Sure Hon”, or “Yes Dear” Means: Absolutely nothing. It is a conditional response.
“Take a break Honey, You’re working too hard.” Means: I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
“That’s interesting Dear.” Means Are you still talking?
“Oh, Don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.” Means: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.
“I can’t find it.” Means: It didn’t fall into my outstreched hands, so I’m completely clueless.
“What did I do this time?” Means: What did you catch me at?
“You know I could never love anyone else.” Means: I am used to the way you yell at me, and I realise it could be worse.
“I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.” Means: No one will ever see us alive again.
“We share the housework.” Means: I make the messes, and she cleans them up.