Sunday, July 30, 2006

Such is Life.

Hello my friends~~ Sunday night here, and all is well. I have a couple of

jokes to post, and it seems that they dictate the size and font to be used.

So it looks like small text – sorry. Thanks to all who commented. I was

quite surprised that quite a few folks had never tasted lamb, and even a

couple who did and did not like it. We love it in Australia with mint sauce.

A few years ago, when Tom Cruise was our favorite son-in-law, there was

an advertisment about a girl winning a date with Tom and she said “No,

I can’t go, Mum is making a lamb roast.”.. These days, she probably still

wouldn’t go even if Mum was serving sausages.!!.


<><> A Little Story called “SUCH IS LIFE” <><>

A man lived by the side of the road and sold Hot Dogs. He was hard of

hearing, so he had no radio. But he sold good Hot Dogs. He used to stand by

the of the road, and call, “Buy a Hot Dog Mister!!” And people bought.


They bought so well, he increased his meat and roll orders. He bought a bigger

stove to take care of his business, and then brought his son home from college

to help him. But, then something happened. His son said, “Father, haven’t you

been listening to the radio? There’s a dreadful depression on. The European

situation is bad, the situation in Asia is terrible, and the domestic situation

is worse.”


Whereupon the father thought, “Well, my son has been to college---he listens

to the radio, and he ought to know.” So he cut down his meat and roll orders

and he stopped going out to the side of the road and calling out “Buy a Hot Dag

Mister.” And his Hot Dog sales fell off within a fortnight.

“You’re quite right, son,” the father said to his boy, “we certainly are in the

middle of a terrible depression.”


<><><> A Couple of Jokes. <><><>

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh butter fat. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying. So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle ------------ ------------- ------------- ---------- ------------- ----------------- ---------- Prime Minister John Howard, Federal Treasurer Peter Costello, and Industrial Relations

Minister Kevin Andrews are flying on the Executive Airbus to a gathering in Canberra when

:Howard turns to Costello and says,chuckling, "You know, I could throw a $100 note out the

window right now and make someone very happy" , Costello shrugs and replies, "Well, I could

throw ten $10 notes out the window and make ten people happy" , Not to be outdone, Andrews

says, "Well I could throw a hundred $1 coins out the window and make a hundred people happy" ,

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could

throw all three of them out the window and make millions of people happy"

This last one is about our Political Leaders, but I think it will be understood!!

<><><> More from my Calender. <><><>

Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts. The chain

may lengthen, but it never parts. –Oliver Wendell Holmes.


Act as though it were impossible to fail. –Ralph Waldo Emerson.


I go to books and to nature as a bee goes to the flower, for a nectar that I can make

into my own honey. --- John Burroughs.


A day well spent brings a happy sleep. --- Leonardo da Vinci.


A glorious sunset, a baby’s smile, a beautiful work of fine art. Divine essence is

everywhere in the eyes of the heart.

<><><> That’s it for now. Take care and have fun, Merle. <><><>

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Brains for Sale.

Hi There Folks ~~ Well it is Saturday night here in Oz and

all is well . I hope it is for all of you as well. My daughter did

get home yesterday and is fine. She did have the tip of that finger removed, so hope they got all the bad out of it.


I have been cooking today, a leg of lamb with roast vegies and

beans, carrots (with butter and honey on them when cooked)

and tomatos and onion cooked together. Should be nice & tasty.

As a result, I haven’t read too many blogs, or commented, but

tomorrow is another day. There was a song called, “Tomorrow

is a Lovely Day”. Nice song, but I cannot think who sings it.

Now for some fun – I hope ----



In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally the doctor

came in looking tired and sombre.


“I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he looked

at the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at

this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure,

very risky, but the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you’ll have to pay for the brain yourselves.”


The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news.

After a great length of time, someone asked,

“Well how much does a brain cost?”

The doctor quickly responded, $5,000 for a male brain and $200 for a female brain.”


The moment turned awkward. The men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually

smirked. A man, unable to control his curiousity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, Why is the male brain so

much more?”


The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, “ It’s just standard procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they have actually been used.”


<><><> Some Funnies <><><>

“Doc, I can’t stop singing the green, green grass of home.”

“That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?”

“It’s not unusual.”


So I was in my car and I was driving along, and my boss rang me

and he said, “ You’ve been promoted.” And I swerved and then

he rang up a second time and said, “You’ve been promoted again.” And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said

“You are managing director.” And I went into a tree. And then a

policeman came up and said “What happened to you?”

And I said I careered off the road.


You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen and it said

“Parking Fine.”


A man went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but

I couldn’t find any.


Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either

my Mum or Dad, or my older brother or my younger brother “Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it is Colin.


Q. My friend Dave the butcher works out daily at the local gym. He wears a size 12 shoe and is 184 cm tall. Dave wears a 42 –inch long suit, drives a sports car and eats a healthy diet.

What does he weigh .

A, He’s a butcher. He weighs meat.


If you melted dry ice and then bathed in it, would you get wet?


Why didn’t they worry about the speed of dark?


<><><> From my Calender <><><>

Regardless of your beliefs, nationality, or allegiance, everyone

sleeps under the same canopy of stars.


May you always walk with the morning star to guide you, the

summer sun on your back and an angel by your side.

<><> Well that is probably more than enough, Cheers, Merle.<><>

Friday, July 28, 2006

Friday Recipe & Jokes.

Hi Everyone ~~ Do you ever have Blogger turning around

and showing O%. They lie !! Yesterday I had so many zeros

that I almost gave up, but today when I opened up, the post was on 3 times. This has happened before, anyway it is OK

now. Thank you for the comments which were fortunately

all on one post.


Thank you for your good wishes again for Kathy who will get

home later today ~~ I think !! She has had almost 7 weeks

of fun and games after a fall from a horse. The only injury

was to one finger, so I guess that was good.


<><><> FRIDAY RECIPE <><><>

Zucchini Quiche. Simple and nice hot with vegies or

cold with salad.

2 Grated zucchinis, washed but unpeeled

1 Onion diced, 1 cup Grated Cheese

4 rashers of bacon cut very small ( I buy bacon bits at deli)

1 cup of self raising flour, 4 eggs Salt and Pepper.

Mix all together well, then add ½ cup vegetable Oil

Pour into a greased tray tin (11 x 8) and bake 40 minutes

at 180 % C, 350% F, Will freeze well.

When I make this I double it and also add a small can of peas

and corn and some grated carrot and some red Bell Pepper

which adds color and extra nutrition. Great with salads.


<><><><> A New Medical Alphabet. <><><><>

A – for arthritis

B – for bad back

C – for chest pains – perhaps cardiac ?

D – for dental decay and decline

E – for eyesight—can’t read the top line

F – for fissures and fluid retention

G – for gas (which I’d rather not mention)

H – for high blood pressure (I’d rather have low)

I – for incisions with scars you can show

J – for joints, that fail to flex

L – for libido – what happened to sex?

Wait I forgot about K

K – for my knees that crack when they are bent

M - for memory, Please forgive me, it ain’t worth a cent

N – for neurosis, pinched nerves and stiff neck

O – for osteo – and all bones that crack

P – for prescriptions, I have quite a few

Q – for queasiness. Fatal or flu?

R – for reflux – one meal turns into two

S – for sleepless nights, counting my fears

T – for tinnitus --- I hear bells in my ears

U – for urinary: difficulties with flow

V – for vertigo, that’s “dizzy” you know

W – for worry, now what’s going ‘round?

X – for X ray - and what might be found

Y – for another year I’ve left behind

Z – for zest that I still have my mind.

Have survived all the symptoms my body’s deployed,

And kept twenty-six doctors gainfully employed !!!

I just realised that these lines rhyme, and that’s why

they left out the K for awhile. Clever.

<><> And if that wasn’t funny enough, here’s a joke.<><>

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there St. Peter says, “We only have one rule

here in heaven : don’t step on the ducks !”


So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all

over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,

and although they try their best to avoid them, the first

woman accidently steps on one.


Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment

for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this

ugly man.”


The next day the second woman steps accidently on a duck

and along comes St. Peter who doesn’t miss a thing.

With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them

together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.


The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be

chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful

where she steps. She manages to go for several months

without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes

up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes

on---- very tall, long eyelashes, muscular and thin.


St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, “ I wonder what I did to deserve being

chained to you for all eternity?”

The guy says, “ I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

<><><><> Couple of Sayings from the paper. <><><><>

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?


Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for

taking things for granted. – Aldous Huxley, English author.


Of the many remedies that fail to cure a cold, whiskey is

by far the most popular.


That is enough for this time- Have a great weekend, Merle.

This Day

Hello again, my Friends. I hope all is well with you and

your loved ones. Almost the weekend again – time flys

when you are having fun. And we are having fun, Right??

My daughter had her fingers separated today and was to

come home after the day procedure, but she is back in

hospital hopefully only overnight. The fingers were in

plaster and the skin graft stretched between the two.

Surely this will be the end of it for her. Luckily the

family are all pitching in.

<><><><> A Little Poem called "This Day"

This is the beginning of a new day,

I have been given this day to use as I will,

I can waste it or use it for good.

What I do today is important because I am

exchanging a day of my life for it.

I pledge to myself that it shall be, gain not loss;

good not evil; success, not failure, in order

that I shall not regret the price I paid for it.


How to work out where you are---Just in case you ever

got the two mixed up, this should make things a little

bit clearer.-------

In Prison---you spend the majority of your time in an

8x10 cell.

At Work—you spend the majority of your time in a 6x8


In Prison—you get three meals a day.

At Work—You only get a break for 1 meal and you pay.

In Prison –You get time off for good behaviour.

At Work—you get more work for good behaviour.

In Prison—the guard locks and unlocks doors for you.

At Work—you must carry around a security card to open

all the doors for yourself.

In Prison—you can watch TV and play games.

At Work—you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In Prison—you get your own toilet.

At Work—you have to share with some idiot who pees on

the seat.

In Prison—they allow your family and friends to visit.

At Work—you can’t even speak to your family.

In Prison—the taxpayers pay all expenses, no work required.

At Work—you get to pay all expenses to go to work and then

they deduct taxes from your salary to pay the prisoners.

In Prison—you spend most of your life inside bars, wanting to

get out.

At Work—you spend most of your time wanting to get out to

go in bars.

In Prison—you must deal with sadistic wardens.

At work—they are called managers.


Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis

had a waiting room full of people, when a little old lady

completely bent over, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.


When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office and

amazingly emerged within half an hour walking completely

erect with her head held high.


A woman in the waiting room who had seen all of this walked up

to the little old lady and said, “It’s a miracle. You walked in

bent in half and now you are walking erect. What did the Dr do?”

She answered, “Miracle, shmiracle – he gave me a longer cane."

<><> That’s all Folks – See you next time. Take care, Merle. <><>

Thursday, July 27, 2006

100 Years Ago.

Hello Again Friends ~~ I hope that your week is going well for you.

All OK here and the day here was a little warmer. Thank you for

the comments that have been left on my blog.

Can you believe that Kenju has had 50,000 people visit her blog.

Heartiest congratulations Judy. That is an amazing feat, Why

don’t you pop over and wish her well ?


<><><> Let’s Take a Look Back 100 Tears Ago. <><><>

<><>Here are some U.S. statistics for 1904. <><>

  • The average life expectancy in the U,S. was 47 years.
  • Only 14 % of homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
  • Only 8% of the homes had a telephone.
  • A 3 minute call from Denver to New York cost 11 dollars.
  • There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of
  • paved roads. Most cities had a speed limit of 10 mph.
  • The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.
  • The average US worker made between $200 & $400 per year.
  • A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 a year,
  • A dentist $2500 a year, a veterinarian between $1500 and
  • $4000 a year and a mechanical engineer up to $5000 a yr.
  • More than 95 % of all births in the US took place at home.
  • Sugar cost 4 cents a pound. Eggs were 14 cents a dozen,
  • coffee was 15 cents a pound.
  • Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used
  • borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
  • Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering
  • the country for any reason.
  • The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico
  • Hawaii and Alaska had not been admitted to the Union yet.
  • The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.
  • Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea had not been
  • invented yet.
  • Two out of 10 US adults could not read or write. Only 6% of
  • Americans had graduated high school.
  • There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
  • Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter
  • at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, “Heroin
  • clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is in fact, a perfect guardian of health.”
  • Eighteen % of households in the US had at least one full-time
  • servant or domestic.
  • There were only about 230 reported murders in th entire US.

Try to imagine what it will be like in another 100 years.

<><><><> Interesting ??

<><><> Now it is time for a joke or two. <><><>

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See he mated 50 times last year ... once-a-week." They walked to the second pen which had a sign attachedthat said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him." They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one." The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow." NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple more surgeries he will likely be okay.


<><><> Some Funny Signs. <><><>

Sign on Electricians truck ---- Let us remove your shorts.

Maternity Clothes shop – We are open on Labor day.

Maternity Room Door ---Push, Push, Push

Non smoking area – If we see you smoking we will assume you are on

fire and will take appropriate action.

Scientist Door --- Gone Fission.

Taxidermist Window – We really know our stuff.

Podiatrist’s Window – Time wounds all heels.

Car Dealership – The best way to get back on your feet- miss a car payment.

Butcher’s Window – Pleased to meat you.

Garbage Truck – We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

Bowling Alley – Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

Music Library -- Bach in a minuet.

Funeral Home – Drive carefully, we’ll wait.

<><><> That’s it for this post. I’ll be back !!! <><><>

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Better World

Hello My Friends ~~ Well here we are again with good

intentions to offer another post. I have had a busy day

Fortnightly shopping day and so far I don’t think I forgot

anything this time. Then later I had to go, by Taxi (cab)

to the Podiatrist, so I am rather late getting to this.

<><><><> To Build a Better World. <><><><>

And how to build a better world ?

Well not by chart or plan,

Unless we start to teach the boy

To be a better man.

For all our dreams of nobler things

Will meet the same old fate,

Unless we turn to fellowship

And do away with hate.


Older people speak of the younger generation as if they

had nothing to do with it.


Many an argument is sound ---- just sound.


People who always keep their ear to the ground are more

than likely to pick up a little dirt.


It matters not how old you are ---but how you are old.


The way to better your lot ---- is to do a lot better.


SEQUINS --- A mermaid’s five children.


Smile --- and when you’re tired of smiling ---try laughing.


Looking for a joke now----

I’m Tired.

Yes I’m tired. For a few years now I’ve been blaming it on

age, poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution and other

maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living---

But now, I find out that I’m tired because I’m overworked,

* The population of this country is 17 million, but 6 million

are retired.

*That leaves ll million to do the work.

· Then there are 4 million at school, that leaves 7 million

· to do the work.

· Of this total, 1 million are unemployed and 3 million are

government bludgers.

That leaves 3 million to do the work. Take from that the

2 million employed by Councils and Local Athorities and

that leaves 1 million to do the work.

· Now in this country there are 620,000 in Hospitals and

· 399,998 in Prisons, That leaves just TWO people to do

· the work ---- you and me---- and you’re sitting on your

· backside reading this --- NO Wonder I am Tired.


· Brain Teaser -- Bob married two women without dvorcing

· either one and with neither woman divorcing him or

· committing bigamy or dying. How is he able to do this ?

· <><><><>

A woman has two sons born in the same hour of the same day

of the same year, but they were not twins. ??


Answers in Comments.

<><><><><> AND FINALLY

If you are a kleptomaniac is there anything you can take for it?

Cheerio for now, Take care, Merle.


Monday, July 24, 2006

Try Again.

Howdy People ~~ I was so disappointed with my last post and

I do hope this one turns out better. I am even going to do the

little 8 line verse again to see if it improves. Thank to all who

read it and left comments anyway.

<><><> A little poem called “If I Knew.” <><><>

If I knew that a word of mine,

A word not kind or true,

Might leave it’s trace on a loved one’s face,

I wouldn’t speak harshly, would you ?


If I knew the light of a smile

Might linger the whole day through,

And lighten some heart with a heavier part,

I wouldn’t withhold it, would you ?


This is supposed to be an actual Court Document.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved

again. The man seemed more amused. When on the

fourth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained

to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old), what he had

to say for himself.

The man replied, “ Well your Honor, it was like this:

When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her

condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, “ The

Double Mint Twins are Coming” and I smiled.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s

Liniment will reduce the swelling” and I had to grin.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,

“William’s Big Stick Did the Trick” and I could hardly

contain myself. But, your Honor, when she moved the fourth

time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber

could have prevented this Accident”… I just lost it.”


<><><> Couple from my Calender. <><><>

A crescent moon looks like one of Nature’s smiles turned



He that plant trees loves others beside himself. Thomas Fuller.


Beauty without virtue is like a rose without a scent. Danish Prov.


no matter what our station in life is…

we are all the same…

we all need love…

we all need one another…

we all need the touch of another person…

we all need to know we are valuable to this world.

we all need to know that we contribute to the greater good

of the whole, no matter how small one might

think that contribution.

<><><> Bye for now. See you next time, Merle. <><><>

Sunday, July 23, 2006

If I Knew

Hello Friends ~~ Just a brief post tonight as I am struggling to stay awake. with no real excuse!

Today the 23 rd July is the 35th Anniversary of Lucy Stern and her husband. Congratulations to you both, that is a great effort, and I hope you have many more years together.

<><><><> A little Poem called "If I Knew. <><><><>

If I knew that a word of mine,

A word not kind or true,

Might leave it's trace on a loved one's face,

I wouldn't speak harshly, would you ?

If I knew that the light of a smile

Might linger the whole day through,

And lighten some heart with a heavier part, I wouldn't withhold it, would you ?

<><><> And a joke. <><><>

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove over the curb, and stopped just inches from a plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied.

"I'm sorry, it's not really your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

<><><> Take care, see you tomorrow, Merle. <><><>

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Extra Post

Hello again ~~ Just a short note to wish Kali from Tasmania, Australia a very Happy Birthday for tomorrow, 23 rd July. I hope you have a lovely day Kali and many happy returns. Enjoy your birthday, Cheers, Merle.

Odds and Ends.

Hello My Friends ~~ I hope the world is treating you well. I can’t complain; any day above ground is a good day. Mind you, this gets a bit stretched when, in one fell swoop, I got 130 Spam e-mails. It is nice to be a bit popular, but that was going too far. I see my brother also got the same amount today.

Another thing I wanted to say is the little <><><> s I use are to separate verses or items. I can try leaving about 5 spaces between things, and they still compact everything. So they are not for my amusement or for decoration. Seem to be necessary on my blog.

Some Oriental Sayings.

Ah Too he say – It is nice to be important, but more important to be nice.

Ah Too he say – Fathers are people who give away their daughters to boys who are not half good enough, so they can have grandchildren who are smarter than anybody else’s.

Ah Too he say – Synonym is word to use when you can’t spell the other one.

Ah Too he say – Money isn’t everything --- often it’s not even enough.

Ah Too he say – If man is not able to make light of his troubles, at least he can keep them dark.

Ah Too he say – The other fellow’s sin is like car head- lights. They always seem more glaring than your own.

Ah Too he say – Pedigree tells where you came from, but not where you are heading.

Ah Too he say – Man if he cannot find the bright side he should try brightening up the dark side.

Ah too he say –Fellow who keep his feet on the ground he never get hopping mad.

A Little Poem called “FAITH”

Doubt sees the obstacle, Faith sees the way, Doubt sees a long dark night, Faith see the day !! Doubt dreads to take a step, Faith soars on high. Doubt thunders, “Who believes?” Faith answers, “I”.

A little story about “The Horse”.

The horse is man’s best friend if he has a horse.

You put a saddle on a horse.

Some people put money on a horse.

The horse has a leg at each corner, like a cow but is not as oblong.

Our neighbor knows an awful lot about horses and gives tips to everyone.

Our neighbor is poor.

In 1014, Brian Boru rode out of Clontarf on a horse, but he is dead now and so is the horse.

You can tell a horse’s age by staring at his teeth.

Donkeys and mules are related to the horse, but my father said that relations are always like that.

Well I don’t know what to make of that !! The oblong bit amused me. I guess it is meant to be funny and not just silly.

Now a Joke I found in the Paper.

An elderly man went to see the Vet the other week and asked if he would cut off the tail of his faithful old dog.

“I don’t do unnecessary operations on man’s best friend, the vet told him.

“Oh, this one is necessary doc,” the man told him.

“The mother-in-law is coming to visit next week, and I don’t want her to get any sign at all from anybody of any sort of welcome.”

Not very nice. "I’ll be back," as Arnie says.