Saturday, May 20, 2006

Men's Rules.

Nice day, so I raked up five barrow loads of Autumn leaves.

They look lovely on the trees, but not so great all over my

lawns, paths and garden. All tidy again, SO I expect either

a wind storm or rain. I am not usually a pessimist, but my

back really complains with this sort of work.

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I received this today in an E-mail and I predict that the menfolk will enjoy it. Thanks Jan.

<><><> Men’s Rules. <><><>

We always hear “the rules” from the female side.

Now here are “the rules” from the male side.

Please note these are all numbered “1” on purpose’

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1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work ! Strong hints do not work ! Obvious hints do not work ! JUST SAY IT.

1. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help to solve it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of,the ways makes you sad or angry. We meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, NOT BOTH. If you already know best how to do it just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christophe Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors like Windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as :

_ Sex

_ Sport or

_ Cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape ~ Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that. It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can to give them an

education.

<><><><><><> And if you didn’t enjoy that ~~~

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said: “ I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger !”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

<><><><><> Still not happy? <><><><><>

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give, Winston Churchill.

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said. Peter F. Drucker.

It is not enough to have a good mind, the main thing is to use it well. Rene Descartes.

A Good teacher Explains…A Superior teacher Demonstrates… A GREAT teacher Inspires. Unknown.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Mahatma Gandhi.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein.

Adults are obsolete children. Dr. Seuss.

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12 comments:

Thomas LB said...

I especially liked the Dr. Suess quote.

Granny said...

I've been using that "insanity" saying for years and never knew it was Einstein.

Sending "rules" to my son. He'll giggle.

Thanks for comment on granny today (or yesterday - anyhow, you know what I mean) I'm in the time zone time warp again.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Hi Merle,

I love the "Men's Rules"...very funny. I know what you mean about the leaves all over the yard; but Autumn is my favorite season and I just love the colors all over the trees. I wish they could stay forever and not clutter our yards. Take care sweet lady...

Ava said...

Power to you! Raking is hard work!

Enjoyed the Mens'Rules.

Great post!!

Ava

curious servant said...

This was pretty funny.

Thanks

jackt said...

Those men's rules say more about women than they do about men!

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I got a good laugh from those men's rules.

Raking leaves is hard work and probably what has kept you young.

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I hope you didn't hurt your back raking your leaves.

I liked the saying by Dr. Seuss.


Janice~

Peter said...

What's this Kept you young stuff??

jel said...

LoL thnaks for the laugh! :)

glad I clicked over here!


you take care

and have a great day!

doubleknot said...

Very funny men's rules and oh so true. If we could just learn to deal with them like they are children everything would go a lot smoother.

Anonymous said...

Super color scheme, I like it! Good job. Go on.
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