Tuesday, May 16, 2006

How True.

Last night I could not put a link to wish Janice a Happy Birthday.

Will try again after advice from Peter.

Her birthday was 16th May. So maybe this will work. Sorry, still not working.

I hope she had a good day.

I went shopping today and the food cupboards and refrigerator are full

again and a few in the freezer. Have to start cooking again tomorrow.

<><><><> Joke Time. <><><><>

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money..Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

<><><><>

A man is driving in the country when his car breaks down, and while he is looking under the bonnet a cow wanders over and stands next to him.

"What's the problem?" asks the cow. "Dunno," says the man, "it just stopped."

"Sounds like a fuel problem to me," says the cow and wanders off.

A few minutes later a farmer stops and offers to help.

"you won't believe what just happened," says the motorist. "A cow just told me

I had a fuel problem."

"Was it a white cow with a brown spot over her eye?" asks the farmer.

"Yes it was," said the man.

"Oh that's Bessy," said the farmer. "But I would not take any notice of her.

She doesn't know anything about cars,"

<><><><><> The Power of a Smile. <><><><>

She smiled at the sorrowful stranger. The smiling seemed to make him feel better.

He remembered past kindnesses of a friend and wrote him a thank you letter.

The friend was so pleased with the thank you that he left a large tip after lunch.

The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip. bet the whole thing on a hunch.

The next day she picked up her winnings, and gave part to a man on the street.

The man on the street was grateful; for two days he'd had nothing to eat.

After he finished his dinner, he left for his dingy room.

He didn't know at that moment that he might be facing his doom.

On the way he picked up a shivering puppy and took him home to get warm.

The puppy was very grateful to be in out of the storm.

That night the house caught on fire the puppy barked the alarm.

He barked till he woke the whole household and saved everybody from harm.

One of the boys that he rescued grew up to be President.

All this because of a simple smile that hadn't cost a cent.

<><><><>

10 comments:

bubba said...

LOve those jokes

Merle said...

Hi Bubba ~~ Still can't open your blog, so hope I am not missing your story.
Glad you liked the jokes.Take care.
Merle.

JunieRose2005 said...

Merle,

Power of a smile was very good- and the jokes too!

June

mreddie said...

Good one about the smile - it is also a very cheap and easy way to improve our looks - I smile a lot - need all the help I can get. :) ec

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Happy Belated Birthday to Janice and I hope that she had a wonderful Birthday.
Your last two posts were funny as usual Merle and thank you for your kind words over at my place. I have been very busy for the last couple of days and I'm trying to catch up on my blog reading. Please forgive me for not stopping in on the weekend.

Peter said...

The link you put in for Janice is active, Has a line under it, so I'm guessing you have got the URL wrong somehow, put http// in twice? used a coma instead of a dot somewhere? left an extra space somewhere???
Bubba has moved to a new site, same address, Welcome to Joomla,
Miss Cellania has a new address as does Ms Vickie, they are listed below, see if you can update your blogroll, new settings, template, scrooll down to nearly at the bottom. Good luck.

http://www.beyondthecrossroads.com

http://misscellania.com/

Michelle said...

Love the smile joke Merle! It must getting chilly down your way of an evening. It's quite cool up here of an early and evening.....put the doonas on the bed last night for the first time in 7 months!

Jacqui said...

Hi Merle, sorry you didn't like the quiz, it took Morna and I a while to figure it out.

Love the smile, it's so easy to do, it apparently takes less muscles to smile than to frown, so it should be easier.

hugs jacqui

Ava said...

Love the jokes today!!!!

I like the poem also. We all take things for granted, I think.

Ava

Anonymous said...

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