My first photo on blog

This is the first photo I have posted on my blog.

John on the left is my oldest son, I am in the centre and Geoff on the right.

They and their families took me out for my 70th birthday celebration, nearly 2 years ago now.

Things to live by.

THINGS TO LIVE BY

You shall not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.

You shall not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.

You shall not carry grudges, for they are the heaviest of all life’s burdens.

You shall face each problem as it comes.

You can only handle one at a time anyway.

You shall not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.

You shall not borrow other people’s problems.

They can better care for them than you.

You shall not try to relive yesterday for good or ill, it is forever gone.

Concentrate on what is happening in your life and be happy now !

You shall be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own.

You shall not become “bogged down” by frustration, for 90% of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive action.

You shall count your blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

Author unknown.

* * * * * * * * *

Count your blessings instead of your crosses;

Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes;

Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears;

Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean;

Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth;

Count on God instead of yourself.

Author Unknown.

I like these two articles and try to live by them. I hope they come out better than the last few posts Have a great weekend folks.

More from me.

Hi folks. ~ Here we are again trying to figure out how to stop the words running to each other.

I think Mr Blogger has it in for me.

There are three computers in this lounge room at present and all have been going. Lots of fun.

Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.

John Lennon.

A smile is good for your health .....and the health of others.

I believe in good men, dragons and other mythical creatures.

I don’t suffer from insanity....I enjoy every minute.

DEAR LORD

Hello Folks ~~ Peter, Vick and Rex arrived safely. I had trouble with a post going funny

again, so we are trying this one now to see what happens. Cross your fingers for me.

Dear Lord, So far today I’m doing all right,

I’ve not gossiped, lost my temper,

Been greedy, grumpy, nasty, self indulgent.

I haven’t whinged, cursed or eaten any chocolate.

However, I’m going to get out of bed in a few

Minutes, And I will need a lot of help after that.

Amen.

Everybody etc.

This is a story about four people named everybody, somebody, anybody and nobody.

There was an important job to be done and everybody was sure somebody had done it.

Anybody could have done it, but nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was everybody's job.

Everybody thought anybody could do it.

So it finally ended up that everybody blamed somebody because nobody did what anybody could have done all along.

************************

Remember:

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Be nice to your kids.......

Because they choose your nursing home.

Nice to be back on the air.

Hello everyone, Here I am with a nice new blogsite, which Peter and I hope will work, with no Jumbles. Hope you like the new site. Peter has worked hard getting me going again, and may never visit again !!!

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said implants?" She hit me.

4. I don't do drugs. I get the effect by standing up too quickly.

5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and ****head's.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

14. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

15. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

Quick Comment.

Hi everyone, Peter arrived ahead of time and surprised me, but it is great to see him.

He has been installing programs etc and so far has not found how to fix my Jumble problem.

Hopefully this will be fixed somehow.

I also have my youngest daughter Kathy and her son coming tonight for a funeral tomorrow of her son's friend, who was a passenger on a 4 wheel motor bike, which is so sad as he was nearly 16. too young to die.

I will leave it at that for today.

Thanks for wading through my jumbled posts and for your comments.

Cold Water Clean.

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using “cold water” to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny !”

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up the old man said,” I told you before, Sonny,those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it !”

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.

John yelled and said, “Grandfather, your dog wont let me getto my car.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted ….. COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN !!!”

Thanks again Jan (I think) Yuck!

WORDS THAT MEAN SOMETHING ONLINE.

Log on: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.

Log off: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.

Monitor: Keeping an eye on the barbie.

Download: Getting the firewood off the Ute.

Hard drive: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

Keyboard: Where you hang the Ute keys.

Windows: What you shut when the weather is cold.

Screen: What you shut in the mozzie season.

Byte: What mozzies do.

Megabyte: What Townsville mozzies do.

Chip: A bar snack.

Microchip: What’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips.

Modem: What you did to the lawns.

Laptop: Where the cat sleeps.

Software: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.

Hardware: Stainless steel knives and forks - - from K Mart.

Mouse: The small rodent that eats the dry dog food in the shed.

Mainframe: What holds the shed up.

Web: What spiders make.

Website: Usually in the shed or under the veranda.

Search engine: What you do when the Ute wont go.

Curser: What you say when the Ute wont go.

Yahoo: What you say when the Ute does go.

Upgrade: A steep hill.

User: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

Network: What you do when you have to repair the fishing net.

Internet: Where you want the fish to go.

I liked these from the paper today. Hope they raised a smile folks.

Worlds Easiest Quiz

Worlds Easiest Quiz

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI’s first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers below!!

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? – 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? – Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get catgut? –Sheep and Horses.

4) In which month do Russians celebrate The October Revolution? – November.

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? –Squirrel fur.

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? – Dogs.

7) What was King George VI’s first name? – Albert.

8) What color is a purple finch? – Crimson.

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? – New Zealand.

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? – Orange, of course.

What do you mean you failed? Pass this on to all your brilliant friends – I just did. A friend sent me that “easy” quizz.

Thanks Jan. I got one right No 7.

CHOICES A Repeat from December. Every morning I wake up and say to myself you have two choices today You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.

I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it.

I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to Accept their complaining or I can point out the positives of life.

I choose the positive side of life. Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.

You choose how to react to situations.

You choose how people affect your mood.

You can choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood.

The bottom line – It’s your choice how you live your life.

FOOTPRINTS

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that this happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.

“Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints.

I don’t understand why, when I needed you most, you would leave me.”

The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

Mary Stevenson.

**********************************************

For everything there is a season,

And a time for every matter under heaven; A time to be born, and a time to die;

A time to plat, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to seek, and a time to lose;

A time to keep, and a time to throw away;

A time to tear, and a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate,

A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I know these are well known items, but I feel it does not hurt us to reflect on them sometimes. Wishing everyone a happy day, with lots of love and peace.

THE WOODEN BOWL

My son Geoff sent this to me and it is a very good story. I have seen it before somewhere, but it is worth repeating.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in –law, and his four year old grandson.

The old man’s hands trembled. his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor, When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about father,” said the son. “I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor”. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.

There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.

Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.

Still, the only words the couple had for hime were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four year old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.

He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?”

Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four year old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.

Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family.

And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

**********************************************************************

On a positive note, I’ve learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I’ve learned that yu can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handle three things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I’ve learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.

I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same as making a “life.”

I’ve learned that sometimes life gives you a second chance.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.

I’ve learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.!!

BITS and PIECES

My son John found these for me. They start off with an Editors Note: These may or may not be true. I have no idea. Some are verifiable, others are not. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. The national anthem og Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorised all 158 verses, There are 293 ways to make change of a dollar. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. There are more chickens than people in the world. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey. The longest one syllable word is “screeched.” All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange or purple. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.” All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance. Maine is the only state whose name is one syllable. There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous” : tremendous, horrendous, stupendous and hazardous. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. An ostrich’s eye is begger than it’s brain. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. In England the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. *********************** Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, “Surely I can’t look that old!” Well you are gonna love this joke. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his diploma hanging on the wall. It bore his full name and I suddenly remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name. He had been in my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered if he could be the same guy I had a secret crush on way back then.?? When I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too old to have been my secret crush…or was he??? After he examined my teeth I asked if he had attended Morgan Park High School. “Yes, I did. I’m a Mustang!” he said gleaming with pride. “When did you graduate?” I asked. “1959. Why do you ask?” he answered. “Well, you were in my class!” I exclaimed. Then the ugly, old wrinkled son of a bitch asked, “What did you teach?” ************************ Good one I think. Hope you got a smile out of some of this.

JOB OPPORTUNITY

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked: “What is the fastest thing you know of?” Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, “ A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.” “That’s very good!” replied the interviewer. ”And now you sir?” he asked the second man. “Hmm…let me see. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.” “Excellent!” said the interviewer. “The blink of an eye is a very popular cliché for speed.” He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. “Well, out at my Dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way across the pasture the light comes on in less than an instant in the barn. TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can tink of.” The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light” he said. Turning to the fourth man, the interviewer and posed the same question. “It’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHOEA.” “What?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response. “Oh I can explain,” said the fourth man, “You see the other day I wasn’t feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants!” He got the job………… I do not usually say rude words, but the joke needed it. John also found this one. He and has girlfriend and her son went fishing in the Murray River in his boat. No fish, only a few bites. BUT a man was water-sking on the Murray and went into the bank and was killed. John and Co were not near the accident, thank goodness. I was glad to get a phone call to say they were home. My other son, Geoff and his wife Joanne came up for the afternoon. We had our lunch and chatted for awhile. Then Geoff spent a lot of time and energy weeding my garden and planting some plants for me. Jobs that I cannot do myself, so it is much appreciated, and he will not accept any money for doing it. He and Jo live on the outskirts of Melbourne, and it takes just over two hours to get here.They have a lovely home ~ a double storied house. ( I am not sure if storied is a word ~ but if not, why not? If MrEddie can make up words, so can I.) I will put a photo on when Peter visits and shows me how. That’s it for tonight. Have a great week ahead.

ROOSTERS and TEE-SHIRTS

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says… “OK old fart, time for you to retire.” The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?” The young rooster says, “Beat it; you are washed up and I am taking over.” The old rooster says, “I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the entire chicken coop.” The young rooster laughs, “You know you don’t stand a chance, old man. So just to be fair, I will give you a head start.” The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaing fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and –BOOM- he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, “Darn… third gay rooster I bought this month.” Moral of this story….. Don’t mess with us OLD FARTS – age , skill, and treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance !! ***************************** Women’s Tee-shirts. A Washington Post columnist runs a column each summer listing interesting Women’s Tee-shirts observed at a Maryland beach. I childproofed my house, but they still get in. (On the front) 60 s not old, ( on the back) If you are a tree. I’m still hot… It just comes in flashes. At my age, “getting lucky” means finding my car in the Parking lot. My reality check just bounced. Life is short, Make fun of it. I’m not 50. I’m $49.95 plus tax. I need somebody bad….Are you bad? Buckle up, it makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car. I’m not a snob. I’m just better than you are. It’s my cat’s world. I’m just here to open cans. Earth is the insane asylum of the universe. We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash & it’s gone. Every time I hear the dirty word “Exercise,” I wash my mouth out with chocolate. Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture. Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral. In God we trust, all others we polygraph. *************************** My son John found these two and they gave me a laugh. I hope you found them funny as well. Have a nice weekend folks.

HOW DID WE SURVIVE?

To All the Kids who survived the 1930s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s. First we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn’t get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with brightly colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank cordial with sugar in it, but we weren’t overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street-lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were OK. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendos, X-boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on cable, no video taped movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet Chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them, We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever. We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! No reason to be afraid of strangers. Sports had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that.!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They usually sided with the law! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL.! And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it? A friend sent this in an email and I thought it was good – at least for some of us oldies. Times have sure changed, haven’t they?

LIFE and VALUE OF TIME

“If I had my life to live over again, I would try to make more mistakes next time… I’d try not to be so damned perfect; I’d relax more, I’d limber up. I’d be sillier than I’ve been on this trip; In fact, I know of very few things I’d take quite so seriously; I’d be crazier…and I’d certainly be less hygenic; I’d take more chances…I’d take more trips… I’d climb more mountains…I’d swim more rivers… And I’d watch more sunsets, I’d burn more gasoline, I’d eat more ice-cream – and fewer beans; I’d have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly, hour- after- hour, and day-after-day. Oh, that doesn’t mean I didn’t have my moments, But if I had it all to do over, I’d have more of those moments, In fact, I’d try to have nothing but wonderful moments, side-by-side. I was one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute; If I had it to do all over again, I’d travel lighter next time. If I had my life to live over again, I’d start barefoot earlier in the spring and I’d stay that way later in the fall; I’d play hookey a lot more; I’d ride more merry-go-rounds, I’d pick more flowers; I’d hug more children, I’d tell more people that I loved them, If I had my life to live over again; But, you see, I don’t”. Author unknown. THE VALUE OF TIME. To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who has failed his classes. To realize the value of ONE MONTH ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of ONE WEEK. ask the editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of ONE DAY, ask a person who labors in the fields. To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet for the first time. To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed a train or a bus. To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident. To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won the silver medal in the Olympics. Treasure every moment that you have! Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the PRESENT !! Author unknown.

MORE AUSSIE JOKES

I found a few more Aussie Jokes ~~~ How do you define 144 Australians? Gross stupidity. The Aussie pilot when asked for his height and position replied “ I’m 5’11” and sitting in the front seat. What do you call an Aussie who scores well in an IQ test A cheat. An Aussie is proof that God has a sense of humour. What do you call an Aussie with half a brain? Gifted. If Santa Claus, a smart Aussie and a dumb blonde were in a room, and you tossed in a hundred dollar note, who would grab it first? The blonde – the other two don’t exist. How many Aussies does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Ten, One to make the batter and nine to peel the Smarties. What would you do if an Aussie throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. Did you hear about the Aussie who had a brain transplant? The brain rejected him a week later. What is the difference between Aussies and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into Aussies when they drink. What’s the difference between an Aussie and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once. Why do birds fly upside down over Australia? It’s not worth shitting on. Why was the Christ child not born in Australia? You’d have a job finding three wise men, much less a virgin. What do you call a field full of Australians? A vacant lot. Most Australians aren’t good at history, For example, they think Gandhi’s first name was Goosey Goosey, An Englishman, an Irishman, an Australian and a New Zealander were in a plane, getting ready to make their first parachute jump. The Englishman’s exit was spectacular; he leapt out of the plane with the cry “I am doing this for my country….” The Irishman leapt out immediately afterwards, calling out the same words. Then the New Zealander ripped the parachute off the Australian, pushed him out of the plane and cried “I’m doing this for my country….” Hope some of those gave you a giggle. They are NOT true, but they are funny. I really love this country and it’s people, but cannot see anything wrong with a joke or two. I must admit I don’t quite get the last one but guess there is rivalry between our two nations. We have quite a lot of New Zealanders in this country as well as many other folks from other countries. Mostly it works very well.

THINGS KIDS SAY

THINGS KIDS SAY. I remember once when my kids were young and apparently John was playing up and my youngest Kathy said to me “You specially choosed us, but you just got stuck with John”. The talks about adoption must have sunk in.!!! It was always a game with my grandchildren to get plugged in first (Put seat-belts on) and this helped them know they had to wear seatbelts. One little girl playing this game found that sometimes Grandma beat her and in her severest voice used to say “UNPLUG” and she meant it too, She has just become a teenager this month. Now they can all beat me!!! Hi Krissy. Another time I was getting icecream and said to her sister “Get out a plate please” She said “You mean a bowl Grandma” Another time I handed out lollies, as Grandma’s tend to do, and had one myself. This same girl said “You are meant to suck them Grandma” I usually chew lollies. Hi Kate. It had been a long time since we had had rain, just after my daughter, son-in-law and two little kids moved closer to me. Anyway, it rained and Joh being just 12 months kept pointing out the door saying “RAIN RAIN”. Joh is pronounced Joe. Hi The younger two in that family hit on the idea of calling me “Granny” Nick, you started that and it continues, I do not mind what they call me. Jorja you also call me “Granny”. Hi to you both. But wont you please let me plug in first sometimes.!!!! I do not walk too well these days and use a walking stick so Kristen you used to call me her “wobbly Grandma”. Thanks !!. Because I learned late in life to use a computer, one grandson calls me his Hi-Tech Grandma.. Thanks Scotty. By the way it was the grand-daughter Rebecca “Bec” taught me to use my laptop computer. She was very patient and showed me most of what I know. (Not a real lot) and Peter also helped a lot, but he is not a kid anymore. Actually Bec isn”t either. She was so good to me for years when she lived with her Dad in Victoria. Still miss you Bec, but I am happy for you too, to be near your sisters, mother and your other grandparents. My eldest granddaughter lived close to my family and after shopping had the job of putting the potatos in the cupboard one by one. I told her she was a great potato –putter –in-er-a. I always think of Jackie when I put my own spuds away now. This girl has worked in Queensland, Western Australia, South Australia and now back to QLD. Hi Jackie. The youngest girl in that family spent her second birthday in the Shepparton Hospital with arthritis. It was very hard to see her trying to crawl on her swollen legs and crying when we left. However she no longer has any arthritis so that is a blessing. She used to catch little whisps of grass circles and call them Santas. I still see a few blowing around the place, so I think of you Rachael. Hi. Michelle ~~ I remember you always loved dolphins, and also reading the various plaques, sayings etc tat I have around the house. You used to say “It takes a long time to read your house”. You liked cricket too on the TV and still do I think. Well only 2 to go of my 12 grandchildren and they live too far away, in Queesland. Their mother recently was very ill. Samantha is the eldest and has two little girls of her own, Tabatha 6 years, and Gabrielle is 2. Sammy loved ballet as a child and played Netball to a high grade. Last but not least is Christopher, who had a bad trot last year with appendicitis but is now back at work and heading for his twenty-first birthday this year. He travelled overseas very early last year, so was lucky not to get ill while there, Hi Chris. He sends me photos by e-mail of his little nieces from time to time, Thanks Chris ~ it helps me see how theu are growing up. Well that is a little bit about my grandchildren. I am proud of all of them, which I guess is pretty obvious. A Few Quotes A mother holds her children’s hands for a little while but holds their hearts forever. Children are our most valuable resource. Herbert Hoover. The best way to make a child good is to make him happy. Oscar Wilde. If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this does not work, use the other end of the brush on the other end of the child. Anonymous. God couldn’t be everywhere, so that’s why he made mothers.

ANNIE”S POEM

This was written for my Auntie Annie by my Grandfather. The comments are by my Auntie Pearl, both o f my mother’s sisters as was Edna who gets a mention. Wee Ticky is my oldest living cousin ~ the one with the Over Bloody Eighty Pendant. She was called Ticky because she listened to her father’s watch and said “tick tick” We still call her Ticky though her name is Edna. Pearl’s comments…….. This poem was written for Annie. At that time if you wanted to sell chickens, you sent for a crate to put them in, but this time it didn’t arrive. The part about Dad’s clothes ~ I’m sure the suit of Uncle Jacks was Aunty Louisa’s idea. Dad never wore a suit in his life, but when he went out, he always wore clean moleskin trousers, a white shirt and a spotless white hanky round his neck. He was very clean and tidy. Dad really loved Annie. (She was his firstborn). Granny Magford’s was the wine place in Glenrowan where Ned Kelly was captured. Edna and I used to go there sometimes to work. Annie's Poem Yes, time flies swiftly onward, though it seems like yesterday that we met at Granny Mogfords where the chicken got away. He’d escaped from his companions through a vent, within the bag. which I fixed, you well remember with some rotten string or rag. Then we looked among the others to make sure that they were right, But we found the trip and worry had put out another’s light. And me thought me of the Scotch man, aye, that close and canny beast, with his “bang goes sixpence lassie”, each was worth a thrum at least. My heart went out with pity, for your face was lined with care, and I read the disappointment at the crate that wasn’t there. Wee Ticky didn’t know me, you will learn with some surprise, I was there in borrowed plumage, like a jackdaw in disguise. For the hat that covered Snowy and the clothes upon my back – bar the boots with Danny’s heels – all belonged to Uncle Jack ! I left you at the slip rails, for a moment took a spell, Quaffed a wine, seized my packet, took the train and steamed to hell. In the end the pick and crowbar and that tough unfinished line, where you reckoned at the day’s end posts erected number nine. Myself was in a muddle and was left to dream at night that I’d done the same as usual, Just the thing that wasn’t right. Oh well, we all have our troubles, some are great and some are small, But no matter their dimension, ‘twould be better – none at all ! But when Gabriel blows the trumpet, though the distance is so far, I will shout aloud to Peter for to swing dem gates ajar. - Hugh Ranton 1866 -1937 I think Grandad was feeling guilty for going off to drink and by doing so the chicken escaped. He used to like to drink so I have heard. He died when I was 3, so I never knew him. He spent a lot of years living at Auntie Annie’s place, Her husband Dan died very young and she raised a family of sixchildren and only three are still with us.

Surprise family photos.

Hi folks. I got quite a surprise to see some photos of my family on my blog. Brother Peter put them on and I named us. They are after my last two posts if anyone is interested. Tabatha was a fortnight old. Thanks Peter - Maybe you are brilliant !! But Wonderful well maybe! Have a great weekend everyone.

BEING HERE and other things

My brother, Peter put a poem on his Poetry Galore about the 2000 Sydney Olympics. My first entry today is a song written and sung by Graeme Connors ( who I recently saw in concert) called BEING HERE, which was the official song of the 2000Paralympics in Sydney, Australia. I have walked a long hard road to be here but it hasn’t hurt me, no I’ve learned a thing or two along the way like winning isn’t always being first across the line as long as I do my best I’m winning every time. Reach up, reach out being here’s what it’s all about this time, this place to fight the good fight and run the good race and then when it’s all through I’ll be proud to stand here beside you proud to remember being here. You have been my true companion all the way no-one else will ever know what it took for us to come this far but there’s no sweeter victory than making dreams come true so take my hand and let me share my finest hour with you. Repeat chorus ~ Reach up, reach out being here’s what it’s all about this time, this place to fight the good fight and run the good race and then when it’s all through I’ll be proud to stand here beside you proud to remember being here. I think this shows what these athletes go through with their various disabilities, and how proud they feel to overcome them. I don’t plan to go in opposition to Peter, but if he doesn’t put our Grandfather’s poem about Annie’s chooks on soon –I will.!! Now a little poem to get back in his good graces ~~~~ Sometimes I wish we could go Back to our childhood days. Yet here we are, both of us grown, With busy lives and out on our own. Things change, but you’ll always be My brother, my friend, and loved by me. This was written as ‘Cousins” but the author is unknown. He or she sure wrote a heck of a lot. I changed the word “cousin” for “brother”. Do you think this will save me? A few Old Wise Sayings ~~ I collect these & other quotes. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Latin proverb. A chain is no stronger than it’s weakest link.Sir Les Stephen. A closed mouth catches no flies. Miguel de Cervantes. A crust in comfort is better than a feast

MORE ABOUT THE KIDS

Yesterday I talked about my four kids and how they formed a family. Today, a little more about them seems to be in order. John, the eldest lives in Shepparton about 10 minutes away from me. He does lots of jobs for me about the house, and will take me shopping etc, though I try not to bother him too often. He has been married and divorced twice. The first marriage produced three daughters, my eldest granddaughters. They lived in Queensland, but after my mother died, they came to live in her house, which was now mine. Sadly they drifted apart, and his wife took the girls back to Qld. We used to meet about halfway each year to see them, take photos and the girls wrote letters later on. They were aged 2, 4 and 7 then. Later the middle girl came to live with John, which was great for all of us. She became my right hand in later years taking me shopping, to Doctors etc and various other places. She got a promotion in her job and moved back to Qld. (Doesn’t everybody end up there?) I miss her a lot, but she is happy there with her sisters, mother and other grand-parents. They are now aged 28, 25 and 23. John is 51. Geoffrey is married to a beautiful girl, and has two children. A 21 year old daughter who is beautiful, and training to be a teacher, and a son who is nearly 18 and saving madly for a car. He is a terrific boy with a loving heart. Geoff and his family live in a beautiful double storied house they had built. My daughter-in-law has decorated it so well. Has to be seen to be believed. Unfortunately I can no longer climb the stairs, so it’s downstairs or nowhere for me. Julie, you have met before with her illness. She and her husband have a daughter and a son. The daughter has 2 girls of her own – Julie’s granddaughters & my great granddaughters They live so far away that I have not even met the younger one but both are lovely attractive girls by the photos I get. I even have a media play that says “Hello Great Grandma”, which I treasure. Most of the photos etc are sent to me by my grand- son who will be 21 later this year. He had a real battle last year with a burst appendix and peritonitis and spent a month in hospital and had 2 operations and was in a life threatening situation. ( Remembering this, added to the worry about Julie) Happily though, he is well again and enjoying life. Kathryn is my youngest, 44 and I spoke about her early illness and her homemaking talents. She and her husband, who is from Holland have five children. I am expecting the eldest girl to come for a few days before she starts University. She is 18 and very talented also. She made her Deb frock, cooks well and has worked and saved for her car. She was also good at sport and has medals etc. Next is a boy, 16 and he is a good worker who gets work as a relief milker, and also saves his money. Neighbours call on him when they need to go away. Next one is a girl who is actually 13 today. She can cook a meal and various slices etc and can also sew. She started her secondary education this year. Loves taking photos. Then there is another boy who will be 10 later in the year. He is a great kid too (If I sound biased, I probably am) and does lots of jobs around the house, and hoses out the dairy after milking. He loves the farm and the cows more than the others. Last but not least is another girl who is 7 and loves school and does very well. This one likes to be IN photos, as well as take them. They are all good kids, very healthy and happy. As kids should be. They go camping, fishing, swimming in the ocean and most of them play polo –cross. On horseback. Enough. Will post something else next, for a change.

FAMILY PHOTOS

SURPRISE SURPRISE. Peter put these photos on for me. Top left My second husband, Harold & me 1980. He died 1986 T Right Kathy's wedding from left, Julie, Arien, Kathy, Me, Pat ( 1st husband) John and Geoff. Lower left Julie, Tabatha (1st great-grandchild, now 6) Me and Samantha my grand-daughter. Lower right Geoff's family Michelle, Joanne, Scott and Geoff. Some family photos.

MY FOUR CHILDREN

I was married three months befor my nineteenth birthday. Yes it was too young.! My husband was seven years older and was a workaholic. He spent most of his time running a garage and repairing machinery etc. We had one son naturally when I was twenty. And dearly wanted to have more children, but it was not meant to be. No IVF in those days, though I underwent various treatments trying to find out why. To no avail, so we adopted a baby boy who was only 15 days old at the time. His birth mother could have changed her mind for the next 30 days, but fortunatly she did not. So we added Geoff to the family, three and a half years younger than John. Next we adopted Julie who was 5 weeks old, as the changing the mind bit was altered which was a good thing. She is the daughter who recently underwent a serious operation, but she came through it beautifully, thank goodness. When she and her husband had been married 6 months, he was baling hay in big rolls and saw some twine where it should not have been. The result was he lost his right arm from the elbow but he has an artificial arm with a claw. He works hard driving a truck he owns, carting gravel, sand or water. At present he is doing a lot of the housework and washing, as Julie is not allowed to do much at all. She lost 12 kilos weight in 2 weeks. Last, but not least came Kathryn, 20 months after Julie. She was 6 weeks old as she had been premature. She gave us an awful scare when she was about 20 months old. She got a viral pneumonia and had a raging temperature of 108-5. So she was confirmed at the hospital by a priest. Doctor did not give us much hope, but his partner doctor had been out with his girl later his wife. Saw our car at hospital at 2am, so came to help. He said “Why isn’t she in the humicrib?” first doctor pointed out that she would not fit, but he turned it on & said “I’ll fit her in it” Then measured Kathy and turned the humicrib off. Then come back with a cardboard box (a beer carton) with a hole he had cut to fit over her neck and put oxygen into the box and thus saved her life. I heard nurses talking, saying if she lives she will not be “normal”.. The temperature finally came down, with a fan on her in middle of winter. The second doctor slept in the room she was in, after sending us home. Now she has 5 children from age 7 to 18. Beautiful cook and makes clothes & also patchwork quilts. She and her husband have a dairy farm and milk about 200 cows. Another time I will talk about my grandchildren and two little great grandchildren. So that is my family. I have asked the last three if they wanted to try to contact their birth mothers. Geoff said “No” as he considered we were his real parents. Julie said that she had enough mothers & mother-in- law and was not interested. Kathy on the other hand would have liked to meet her and put her name down on a list they have, but the mother did not want to meet her. She does not know what she is missing. I said to Kathy recently to consider trying again, as it is nearly 20 years and maybe her situation has changed. Maybe she will find time to try again. She does not have a lot of spare time. She has taught all the kids to cook, sew and even the boys tried knitting. They all have horses and go to Pony Club etc. Kathy drives a large truck that carries aaaaabout 6 horses, and she takes the kids camping and fishing etc.

SOME MORE MEMORIES

My father finally left for good, just after I was married. In fact, a friend came around on the morning of my wedding, all dressed up to give me away, if Dad failed to appear. But Dad was there for me. My mother was pretty upset at the time just after. Dad bought a house in Thornbury for her and Peter. He was married from there, and Mum had boarders, as a little extra money was handy, Also some company after Peter left. A while later, Dad bought her a home beside where I lived in a small country town, and it became my job to look after her. She never drove a car, and at that time I did, so took her wherever she wanted to go ~ shopping or visiting her sisters in a nearby town. By this time, Dad had moved to Queensland and spent the rest of his life there. Mum spent many years in Nathalia ~~ I remember our usual Christmas mornings. She would come to our house with a big bunch of Hydrangeas and a Trifle she had made, as well as presents for all. My eldest son John used to go to her house after tea of an evening and sleep there, so she was not alone. When he left for Queensland, my younger daughter Kathryn used to go to stay overnight with her.. Kathy said she watched Nan make the trifles and one time, Nan put the sherry (or whatever) over the cake at the bottom. Then she did something else, and back to the trifle put in more sherry. Later she picked up the bottle again until Kathy told her she had put it in. I bet that trifle tasted good. When Kathy and her family lived near here, I used to make the trifles for birthdays or Christmas, I also used to make lots of Pavlovas. Yummy!!! I still cook lots of meals etc and give John some and also a friend. His mother and I were best friends until she died of Lung Cancer, and as he lives alone, as does John, I make up quite a lot of meals for them and myself. But rarely make sweets now, as I am diabetic and they do not seem to want sweets. So only occasionally I make them. I make slices and biscuits etc, mostly for them and to have some here for visitors. My other son, Geoff says I could live for 3 months with the food in my little freezer. Always have some meals in it etc. So while my Dad and his wife lived in Queensland, as did Peter, I lived in Nathalia, Victoria with my husband and four children and did all I could for my mother. She looked after us when we were little, but as happens sometimes the tables are turned and I looked after her. She died of a stroke in 1977. My father and step-mother had many overseas trips and lived very happily for about 40 years. I had many trips to see them, mostly with two cousins. The last few years we visited them twice a year, and always had a lovely time. They retired to a lovely unit right on the Tweed River, which was a great place. We occasionally saw dolphins in the river, also boats of all descriptions. Always a changing view. Dad used to sit by the window in his last year and watch the people walking on the lawns in front of his unit, and the river always changing. The ocean was close-by so the tide would come and go. Really a wonderful place to live. We all loved Ada and they were so happy. Ada died a year after Dad did in 2001. They both lived in Nursing Homes for the last lap ~ first Dad, and then Ada. My nephew, Marcus did the funeral service for Dad and did a great job. Unfortunately, I was too ill to go to Ada’s funeral the next year as I had been put on VIOXX and it nearly killed me in a fortnight. Could hardly breathe, talk o r eat. So all I can take for my constant pain is Paracetamol. Doctors assure me that it safe to have 8 a day, so I hope they are right, though I try to only take 6 per day. Enough tonight.