Saturday, February 11, 2006

ROOSTERS and TEE-SHIRTS

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says… “OK old fart, time for you to retire.” The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?” The young rooster says, “Beat it; you are washed up and I am taking over.” The old rooster says, “I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the entire chicken coop.” The young rooster laughs, “You know you don’t stand a chance, old man. So just to be fair, I will give you a head start.” The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaing fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and –BOOM- he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, “Darn… third gay rooster I bought this month.” Moral of this story….. Don’t mess with us OLD FARTS – age , skill, and treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance !! ***************************** Women’s Tee-shirts. A Washington Post columnist runs a column each summer listing interesting Women’s Tee-shirts observed at a Maryland beach. I childproofed my house, but they still get in. (On the front) 60 s not old, ( on the back) If you are a tree. I’m still hot… It just comes in flashes. At my age, “getting lucky” means finding my car in the Parking lot. My reality check just bounced. Life is short, Make fun of it. I’m not 50. I’m $49.95 plus tax. I need somebody bad….Are you bad? Buckle up, it makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car. I’m not a snob. I’m just better than you are. It’s my cat’s world. I’m just here to open cans. Earth is the insane asylum of the universe. We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash & it’s gone. Every time I hear the dirty word “Exercise,” I wash my mouth out with chocolate. Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture. Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral. In God we trust, all others we polygraph. *************************** My son John found these two and they gave me a laugh. I hope you found them funny as well. Have a nice weekend folks.

5 comments:

bubba said...

very funny indeed. Some of those lines you know I am gonna use on some unsuspecting soul. lol

Peter said...

I liked the idea of washing your mouth out with chocolate.

mreddie said...

Good ones - I laughed - told SIL - he laughed as well. :) ec

Peter said...

Hi Merle, Pat's ute was definitely not a model T, could have been an A model but methinks a Buik or a Dodge???????

Hale McKay said...

I loved the rooster joke. Very good.