Monday, February 20, 2006

Cold Water Clean.

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using “cold water” to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny !”

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up the old man said,” I told you before, Sonny,those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it !”

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.

John yelled and said, “Grandfather, your dog wont let me getto my car.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted ….. COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN !!!”

Thanks again Jan (I think) Yuck!


Log on: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.

Log off: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.

Monitor: Keeping an eye on the barbie.

Download: Getting the firewood off the Ute.

Hard drive: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

Keyboard: Where you hang the Ute keys.

Windows: What you shut when the weather is cold.

Screen: What you shut in the mozzie season.

Byte: What mozzies do.

Megabyte: What Townsville mozzies do.

Chip: A bar snack.

Microchip: What’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips.

Modem: What you did to the lawns.

Laptop: Where the cat sleeps.

Software: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.

Hardware: Stainless steel knives and forks - - from K Mart.

Mouse: The small rodent that eats the dry dog food in the shed.

Mainframe: What holds the shed up.

Web: What spiders make.

Website: Usually in the shed or under the veranda.

Search engine: What you do when the Ute wont go.

Curser: What you say when the Ute wont go.

Yahoo: What you say when the Ute does go.

Upgrade: A steep hill.

User: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

Network: What you do when you have to repair the fishing net.

Internet: Where you want the fish to go.

I liked these from the paper today. Hope they raised a smile folks.


bubba said...

Some of those I did not understand. But thats ok. I liked anyways.

Karen said...

I love those! I've seen the redneck version and these are just as funny. Thanks for sharing.

Have a wonderful day!

JunieRose2005 said...

LOL_ The COLD Water one was funny!!


Joy Des Jardins said...

Great....made me more than smile. Thanks Merle. By the way, I tried the World's Easiest Quiz on my daughter and her boyfriend...they only got a couple, but thought it was pretty interesting.

mreddie said...

The Aussie version of computer language was funny - I too had seen the redneck version. ec