Sunday fun.

Sunday ~ Quiet day, Time to read some blogs and comment. It is good getting to know everybody a little better. There are so many things we can learn from each other. Life is good.!!

Some things to think about.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening rule: when weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals

dying of nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the

world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it

takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think

I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.”

Why do some people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the

bathroom is?

If quizzes are quizzical. what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from

morons?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his

head out the window?

Does pushing the elavator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Some fun ones and even naughty ones.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +

A joke to finish…….

A woman takes her pet budgie to the vet because it is listless and lethargic.

She hands the budgie to the vet who takes one look at it lying on the table and says: “I’m going to have to do some tests.”

He goes away and comes back with a caged feral cat and places it down next to the budgie.

The cat screeches and claws at the cage, trying to get to the bird, but the budgie just raises it’s head, looks at the cat for a second and then lies back down again.

So the doctor goes away again and brings back a huge, slobbering labrador, which strains on the leash trying to get to the bird.

Once again, the bird just picks up it’s head, looks at the dog and lays back down again.

The doctor tells the woman: “This is terrible. I really don’t think there’s anything I can do but that will be $150 please.”

The woman cries out: “$150! But you didn’t do anything.”

Doctor: “Well, there was the labraport and catscan.”

+++++++++++++

Poem and jokes.

If I could catch a rainbow

I would do it and

share with you it’s beauty

On the days you’re feeling blue.

********

If I could build a mountain

You could call your very own;

A place to find serenity,

A place to be alone.

***************

If I could take your troubles

I would toss them in the sea,

But all these things I’m finding

are impossible for me.

**********

I cannot build a mountain

Or catch a rainbow fair.

But let me be what I know best,

A friend who’s always there.

***********

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Three women die together in an

accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St Peter says,

“We only have one rule here in heaven:

don’t step on the ducks!”

So they enter heaven, and sure enough,

there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a

duck, and although they try their best to

avoid them, the first woman accidently steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

So St. Peter chains them together and says,”Your

punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity

chained to this ugly man !”

The next day, the second woman accidently steps on a

duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing.

With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them

together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to a very,VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go for months without stepping on any ducks,

but one day St. Peter comes up with the most handsome man

she has ever laid eyes on ………very tall, long eyelashes,

muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve

being chained to you for all eternity?”

The guy says, “I don’t know about you,

but I stepped on a duck !”

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Don’t stop reading this just because it looks weird.

Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulacity uesdnatnrd

what I was rdgnieg,

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid

aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it

deosn’t mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are,

the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the frist and lsat

ltteer be ib the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm.

This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed arvey lteter by

istef, but the word as a wlohe, Amzanig huh?

Try Spell checking that. Cheers, Merle.

<><><><><><><><><>

Today's jokes.

. I could not even open Blogger, and once when I did, New Post wouldn’t open. All’s well that end’s well !!

Thanks Peter and Meg for comments, now lost when I deleted

the first effort. Same problems today.

Well, it is about my lunch-time, so will find a couple of jokes, to finish with. I get a lot from the Melb. paper, but they are off

while the Games are on. So have to find my own.

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.

# # # # # # # # # #

“Would you like to speak to the man of the house……or the

woman who knows what’s going on?”

# # # # # # # # # #

Bubba and Junior (mechanical engineers) were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

“We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,” said Bubba, “but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced “Eighteen feet six inches,” and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed: “Aint that just like a dumb

blonde? We ask for the height and she gives us the length.”

One for the blondes !! # # # # #

A farmer goes to his vet complaining that birds keep nesting

in his horse’s mane and asks how he can get rid of the pests.

The vet says to go to the bakery and get some yeast and rub it

into the mane to fix the problem.

Lo and behold this works and curious, the farmer asks how the

yeast worked.

The vet said it was quite simple: “Yeast is Yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet.”

Some classic quotes. # # # # # #

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian,

you should have remained a virgin.” Lillian Carter (mother if Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall. Eleanor Roosevelt.

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish ot withdraw that statement, Mark Twain.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

Victor Borge.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho Marx.

# # # # # # # # # #

Nice day again.

Nice day again ~ I like it. It is strange that my Northern friends are awaiting Spring and Summer, and we in the Southern Hemisphere are enjoying Autumn (Fall) and go

to Winter next.

In a way it is good ~~ It means we are not experiencing

Bush-fires and floods etc at the same time, and so can be called on to help each other in emergencies if needed.

Had a taxi ride to and from the podiatrist this morning.

It amazes me how some taxi drivers chat freely and

make the trips more comfortable.

While others say “Where to?” and little else. As I live

alone (usually) it is nice to chat about the weather, or how busy their day has been, or the gardens etc that we pass.

The women are usually more talkative~~ no comments from

you guys !!.. But today a very attractive young lady had very little to say. I told her a joke or two and she did smile, so

can’t complain. Maybe they are concentrating on their

driving which is important of course.

I had a lot of strife posting my last effort. After posting it,

it left out half of what I wanted. Tried several times, with the same result. So I turned the computer off, thinking to go to

bed. Read for a while and then turned it all back on and lo and

behold it worked. Same thing is happening today. So Maybe no jokes today.

Lovely Day and Jokes

A lovely Autumn day here in Australia. Hopefully the really

hot weather has gone. I am consistent, I complain when it gets really cold as well. Fortunately I have great cooling and heating systems. Others are not so lucky and I feel sorry for them. If only the hungry could be fed and others helped to

to have better and happier lives, with homes to live in and loved

ones to care for them. If only…………

Some jokes John found for me……..

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip

After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all

powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day

tomorrow, Why, what does it tell YOU?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

“Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent.”

· * * * * * * * * * * * *

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.

A woman is driving down the same road.

As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells “PIG !!”

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies,

“BITCH !!”

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

If only men would listen.!!!

* * * * * * * * * * *

There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another lnde on the opposite side.

“Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, How can I get to the other side?”

The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river and shouts back, “You are on the other side.”

· * * * * * * * * * * *

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $2,000 in the collection plate, This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome with

curiousity, approached her. “Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $2,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and what I don’t need, I give to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?” The old lady said, “Oh, $20,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son must be very successful; what does he do for a living?”

“He’s a veterinarian.” she answered.

“That’s a very honourable profession, the pastor says. Were

does he practice?”

The old lady said proudly, “Well he has two cat houses in

Las Vegas and one in Reno !”

· * * * * * * * * * *

And finally …………

A girl was visiting her friend and the friend’s two new dogs.

She asked their names and was told one was called Rolex and

the other was Seiko.

“Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” she asked.

“HELLLOOOOOO”.…. said her friend. “They are watchdogs.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * That’s all folks !!

Memories

Another day gone by and visitors gone. Jacqui and I had a great time talking about our kids of similar age and our grand-children and even Great Grandchildren.

There was many a trip to Nanny Failia, a childish way to say

Nathalia. Mum was not a failure and was loved by all the kids.

She lived in a house next to us, when I lived in Nathalia, so

we could more or less look after her. My eldest son John

used to go to her house after tea and sleep there for

company and “just in case”. When John moved to Q’ld,

Kathy the youngest of my four, took over that job. Kathy

used to love creepy movies and Mum used to stay up with her to watch them too. I am chicken, if a movie is too spooky, I tape it and watch it in the safety of daylight.

Jacqui is the mother of Marcus and Vickie –bloggers- also Alan

and Bruce. Like mine, all married with families of their own.

We talked about the kids digging tunnels behind our shed, and

swinging on my clothesline etc etc. Brought back lots of memories for us both and we looked at photos of course.

Walter was happy to look at photos and listen to our rambling and I really liked him – easy to talk to. He and Peter call each

other No.1 and No.3, and get on very well. Which is great for the kids. We mellow in our later years and find it easier to

get along with others I have found.Jacqui 's link is thebearlady,blogspot.com

I was taken to McDonalds this morning for Hot Cakes for

breakfast as both Jacqui and I love them occasionally, so that

was something I was not expecting. Thanks you two.

Jacqui was pleased with her first post, which I helped her with, Sorry I didn’t do the same with Vicki. But couldn’t get

to my computer while Peter and Rex were fixing it all up.

Marcus and his 2 youngest sons are in Melbourne for the

Commonwealth Games at present, with others from his school.

I hope they have a great time. He has even set up blogspots

for them both. He really means to take over the blogosphere!!

They are showing the Opening ceromony on TV at present. They are usually good shows ~~ but a FLYING tram – Really.!!!

They still have trams in Melbourne, the only city is Australia

to retain them. I travelled on many of them for years when we

lived in Melbourne and I worked in an office.

I have thoroughly enjoyed these visits from family, because I live alone and only have a few visitors calling in for brief visits.

I occasionally talk to myself “you can do it etc” with difficult

tasks. My mother used to say that that was OK, so long as you don’t answer yourself back. May come to that yet.!!!

A few funnies to finish.

Don’t try these at home.

If you are choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling

water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be

almost instantly removed.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by

getting someone else to hold them.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent

you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the

snooze button.

Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and

you will forget about it.

It is also recommended that you only need two tools in your tool-kit:… WD-40 and duct tape.

If it doesn’t move and it should, spray with the WD-40.

If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.

******************************************************

There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disneyland.

When they were about halfway there, the blonde saw a sign

that said “Disneyland Left”, so she turned around and went

back home.

******************************************************

An elderly woman returned home from an evening at church to discover an intruder robbing her house of valuables,

She yelled, “Stop! Acts.2:38.” ( Repent and be baptised in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burgler stopped. The woman called the police and explained the situation.

The officer asked the burgler “Why did you just stand there?

All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.”

“Scripture?” said the crook. “She said she had an axe and

two 38s!”

Well I thought they were funny !!! Cheers folks.

Quick post tonight.

Hello from Merle ~~ I have visitors for the night ~~ Peter’s first wife and her husband. Jacqui and I always got on very well and our kids grew up together and are similar ages. I like her husband ~ he was kind enough to dry the dishes after tea.

PETER WILL GET A REAL SHOCK AT THIS ONE.

I actually helped Jacqui post her first post on the site Peter

set up for her. You can stop laughing now Peter. It worked.

I am printing the instructions you gave me for her.

Jacqui has a site called Bears Galore and I think it has this

address…… thebearlady.blogspot.com

John my son came round to see Jacqui after work, which was nice. Jacqui makes teddy bears and other things and that is why she is Bear Lady. I haven’t seen her since Marcus and Carolyn’ wedding in 1986. It is late so will try to do better next time.

Remembering Ada.

Today is the 13^th of March, my step-mother’s birthday. She died three years ago, fourteen months after my Dad.

She was a lovely lady and was much loved by everyone. She and

my father spent many happy years together, and I like to think

that they are still together. Thinking of you Ada with love.

One of Dad’s nephews and his wife used to take me to Queensland twice a year, which took the best part of two days.

We would stay in a motel about half-way. I miss those trips,

and of course miss Dad and Ada, Apart from Peter, the three of us reckon it’s not worth going to Q’ld now.

I have a daughter and five grandchildren there also, as well as

my two great grand-daughters. So maybe I will get to see them one day. My son, John has taken me a few trips to see

his girls and to visit Peter. I wish it was not so far.

A few sayings I have collected.

God couldn’t be everywhere, so He made mothers.

I cried because I had no shoes till I saw a man with no feet.

You can’t have everything, because where would you put it?

Stop complaining. You could be a giraffe with a sore throat

or a centipede with corns.

I don’t suffer from insanity. I quite enjoy it.

The beginning is the most important part of the task.

The problem with doing nothing is you don’t know when

you are finished.

Don’t you hate it when you fall asleep in front of the TV, so

you turn it off and go to bed----and can’t get to sleep.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage…..they have experienced pain and bought jewellery.

Men always want to be a woman’s first love…..woman like to be

a man’s last romance.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Yesterday is history; there’s no changing it; tomorrow is a

mystery; do not anticipate it; right now is a gift, so do not waste it. That’s why it is called the present.

When you have endured all hardships and overcome every

obstacle, and you can at last see the light at the end of the

tunnel, watch out, it will probably be a train coming straight

at you.

Finally a joke of the day.

The bear says:”If I roar in the forests of North America, the

entire forest is shivering with fear.”

The lion says:”If I roar on the great plains of Africa. the entire savanna is afraid of me.”

Says the chicken: “Big deal. I only have to cough, and the entire planet wets itself.”

Jokes

I don’t like to cook every day but I certainly like to eat every day. What I do, is cook a

chicken or leg of lamb or beef pot roast and sometimes chops or sausages or stir fries etc. But I cook a whole heap at once. I give my son John a couple of meals and also a young friend (who is like another son) a couple and the rest is for me. Two in the fridge and two in the freezer. I prefer to do it this way. I spend the best part of a day cooking, serving and wrapping in Gladwrap (plastic film) andno more for a few days. Each to his own taste.

Some jokes to bring a smile (I hope).

A bloke in a 4WD came across another bloke (man) out in the bush, stuck up to his shoulders in thick mud.

He backs up his truck to the bog, ties a rope around the tow-bar, tosses it over a handy tree branch. He yells to the bloke in the bog to tie the other end of the rope under hs armpits.

He hops back in the 4WD and gives it heaps, but the bloke in the mud wont budge.

As he gets out of his truck, scratching his head, the fella in the mud asks: “Do you think it would help if I took my feet out of the stirrups?”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She was in the kitchen doing boiled eggs for breakfast.

He walks in and she says: “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.?

He thinking it’s his lucky day, obliges immediately on the kitchen table.

Afterwards he says: “What was that all about?”

She says: “The egg timer’s broken.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A young blonde woman was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay the high prices the vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the no-haggle attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted:”Maybe I’ll go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price !”

The shopkeeper said: “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll

luck out and catch yourself a big one !”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he sees the young woman standing waist-deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 3metre alligator swimming quickly towards her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then, the blonde flips the alligator on it’s back, and frustrated, shouts out:

“Damn it, this one isn’ts wearing any shoes either !”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Fridge magnet……”I love my husband because he’s got a will of

his own, and it’s made out to me.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That's all folks.!!!!!

Lazy Day

Lazy day Saturday. Did some washing, watered the garden and made a large zucchini quiche and not a lot else. Read some blogs, and had a nice day. My garden looks nice, after Geoff’s efforts. Tomorrow is threatening to be very hot. Darn it !

Some wise old sayings.

There are no strangers in life; only friends I haven’t met yet.

There is always someone worse off than you. Aesop.

There’s none so blind as those who will not see. French proverb.

This above all, to thy own self be true.

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age but they die young. Arthur Wing Pinero.

Though a cage be made of gold, it is still a cage. Mexican.

Time flies when you’re having fun.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. William Congreve.

To the world you might be one person, but to one person, you just might be the world. John H. MacDonald Jr.

To those whom much is given, much is asked in return. Bible.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.Nth American saying,

Too soon old, too late smart ! Norma Victor.

Two in distress makes sorrow less.

Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud and one

the stars. Frederick Langbridge.

Trust in God but tie your camel. Iranian.

And finally a joke……

A man had great tickets for a grand final. As he sits down, another man asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

“No the seat is empty” he says. The other man is amazed that such a good seat was not being used.

The first man says “Well, actually, the seat is mine. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first grand final we haven’t been to together since we got married.”

“Oh…..I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible, but couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?”

The man shakes his head.

“No. They’re all at the funeral.”

Few little poems

Hi again ~~ I could not get Blogger to post yesterday so will try again today. I had a visit from my son Geoff who lives on the outskirts of Melbourne ~ 2 hours away.

He had a business meeting at Shepparton City Council about how things work at the Council he works for.

He came to see me afterwards and spent an hour or so in my

garden pulling out bean and tomato plants that had had it, as well as weeds. He also trained up plants on the fence so they would continue to creep. Very much appreciated,thanks Geoff.

A few little poems.

I meant to do my work today

But a brown bird sang in the apple-tree,

And a butterfly flitted across the field,

And all the leaves were calling me.

And the wind sighing over the land,

Tossing the grasses to and fro,

And a rainbow held out it’s shining hand…..

So what could I do but laugh and go?

Just for today.

I will live the next 12 hours and try not to tackle

all of life’s problems at once.

I will improve my mind, I will learn something that

requires effort and concentration.

I will be agreeable. I will look my best, speak in a well

modulated voice, be courteous and considerate.

I will not find fault with a friend, relative or colleague.

I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself.

Prayer of thankfulness.

Thank You, dear God, for another day;

he chance to live in a decent way;

To feel again the joy of living,

and happiness that comes from giving.

Thank you for friends who can understand;

For the peace that flows from your loving hand…

Help me to wake with the morning sun;

With the humble prayer “Thy Will Be Done.”

For with Your help I can find the way.

And thank you God for another day.

I do not know who wrote these, but I like them.

This and that.

Good news ~~ Peter is safely home, he rang me earlier tonight.

I always like to know that my loved ones get home safely.after they visit.

me. I would have rung Peter if he had not rung me.

Now things will get back to normal for both him and me.

One good thing about blogging, we can see how things are going

with relatives and friends. Had to include a joke!!

CURTAINS A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small - what room are they for?" The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "But Miss, computers do not need curtains!" The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo. I've got Windoooooows!"

Some Irish Sayings...............

Your house is your castle

Beware of the anger of a patient man.

A light heart lives the longest.

A true friend’s eye is a good mirror.

Many a time a man’s mouth broke his nose.

Laziness is a heavy burden.

It isn’t a trick until it is done three times.

You don’t know a person until you live with them.

Health’s doctor is sleep.

He who is not strong must needs be cunning,

A debt is still unpaid, even if forgotten.

An awkward colt often becomes a beautiful horse.

The north wind’s heat or the cold of the south wind,

means rain.

There are two versions or two sides to every story and

at least twelve versions of every song.

Have a nice weekend coming up folks. Cheers.

Busy Wednesday

Hi Folks ~~ Peter should be halfway home to his house. He will be somewhere in New South Wales tonight. That is the state between his Queensland and my Victoria. I will be glad to hear that he is safely home by tomorrow night.

I have been busy washing and cooking today and catching up on the newspapers that only got looked at briefly. Even wrote on

a birthday card for Julie today ~ only a week late, but I knew she had a trip to Brisbane this week for a check up and all is well. I spoke to her tonight and she and her husband are safely back home again.

Finally a joke a friend sent today …….

A young Aussie bloke moved to London and went to Harrod’s Department store looking for a job.

The manager asked “Do you have any sales experience?”

The young man answered “Yeah, I was a salesman back home.”

The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked “OK, so how many sales did you make today?”

The Aussie said “One.” The manager groaned and continued

“Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.

How much was the sale for?” “$101,237.64”. The manager

choked and exclaimed “101,237.64? What the hell did you sell him?

“Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast. So I told him he would need a boat.

So we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.

Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I

took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 X 4 Suzuki.”

The manager, incredulous, said “You mean to tell me…a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4X4?”

No no no…he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his

girlfriend and I said… “Well, since your weekend’s blown,

you might as well go fishing.”

Bye Bye Peter

Hi All ~~ Well Peter left here this morning on his way home. He will probably get home on Thursday night. It is a long way, and he was calling on another two friends on the way.

I am going to miss him as he was here for a longer visit than usual, and has helped me learn a bit more about computing and blogging. And then the day he goes, Bubba has a change of site.

I will try to do that, but don’t think we covered that.

Hi Bubba ~~ in case I don’t get back to you !!!

Thanks to the usual commenters and now I can get back to normal, hope we have no more confused posts.

A joke to finish with today.

Need Cyanide!

A lady walks into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.

The pharmacist says, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady explains that she needs it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist’s eyes get big and he says, “Lord have mercy, I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband!

That’s against the law! They’ll throw both of us in jail and I’ll lose my license.”

Then the lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of

her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife, and hands it to

the pharmacist.

The pharmacist looks at the picture and replies, “Well now, you didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

The perils of being green.

Today, Peter took me to see the movie "Walk the Line" which we both enjoyed. The story of Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. I can really recommend this film.

Unfortunately for me, Peter is leaving tomorrow, but I have really enjoyed his visit. He has helped me work out quite a few things on the computer.

It’s not easy being green.

A lady from the Blue Mountains, N.S.W, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of rural land. There was a large gum tree in the top paddock. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour around her so she started to climb the old tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a tawny frogmouth owl that flew at her. In her haste to escape the lady slid down the tree and got many splinters in her private parts. In serious pain she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him that she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and just how she came to get the splinters.

The Doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the waiting room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor re-appeared.

The angry lady demanded ”What took so long?"

He smiled and then said ”Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, Land Care and the Conservation Department before I could remove old growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down.

TAKE TIME TO READ THESE ITS VERY INTERESTING.

In the 1400s a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick any thicker than his thumb.

Hence we have "the rule of thumb".

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only... Ladies Forbidden"...

and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can but women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David

Hearts – Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Check it out!!

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg inthe air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousand

Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase: "Goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.

Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale was traditionally ordered by pints and quarts...

So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's" Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups.

When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

And Finally.

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow

Inner Peace.

A photo of Peter and me when we were cute little kids.

Now we are big, round and bespectacled. But happy !

Inner Peace Advice.

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me.

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace.

The article read: “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish

all the things you’ve started”. So I looked around the house

to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished......and

before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle

of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey’s, Kahlua and

Wild Turkey, the Prozac, some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freakin’ good I feel.

You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace.

Blonde jokes.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after

just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.: The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch,inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, {I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.” The telegraph operator

explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds “ it’s 99 cents

a word.”

Well after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she will only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, “I want you to send her the word “Comfortable” “

The operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bul back to your ranch if you send her just the word “comfortable”?

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it very slowly – com-for-da-bul.”

Subject : Love Dress.

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the

daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress.” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? But you’re naked!”

My husband loves me to wear this dress,” she explained. “It

excites him no end! Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.

He can’t get enough of me.”

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there provocatively. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress,” she whispered sensually.

“Needs ironing,” he said, “What’s for dinner?”

His FUNERAL will be eld Thursday........

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?” “Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?” “Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They are a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble.”

“I’d be happy to”, said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts.

Off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was drivingthrough the heart of San Dego when suddenly he was horrified!

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

“What the heck are you doing here?” he demanded, I gave you

$100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”

“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde, “but after the zoo we had money left over--- so now we’re going to Sea World.”

Well, I thought they were funnny!! Cheers everyone, Merle.

Choices

Hi all, it's Peter here, Merle's posts are still erratic and I was looking for

something to run for a test, she suggested Choices as it's a favourite and

it was messy in her previous post, so here it is again NEARLY right.

CHOICES

Every morning I wake up and say to myself you have two choices today.

You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.

I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it.

I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to

Accept their complaining or I can point out the positives of life.

I choose the positive side of life.

Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every

Situation is a choice. You choose how to react to situations.

You choose how people affect your mood.

You can choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood,

The bottom line -- It’s your choice how you live your life.

I like the above and also George Jones song “Choices.”

Back again, been busy!

Photo of Vicki, Peter and Merle. Well, finally I get to Post something here.

We have had quite a few visitors, all relatives, so it has been hectic but great at the same time.

Next visitor due is my 18 year old Granddaughter tomorrow for the weekend.

She has just started at University a fair distance from here. Will be nice to see her and hear all about it.

She has worked and saved and bought her car and has been driving since November 2005.

Living on a farm she has been driving for years, as do her younger brothers and sisters.

They learned on a quad-bike (4 wheel motorbike). Getting the cows in to milk, about 200.

My son John who lives in Sheppparton has called in after work every day since Peter arrived.

I usually see him about twice a week.

John used to live in QLD years ago and even worked for Peter and Julie at the Service station on Sundays, so they could play golf or whatever. So they get on well.

A couple of jokes.........

Getting old.

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years, He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I have changed my will three times!”

...........................................................

God, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy."

"And why is that, Eve?"

"God, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, in that case, Eve, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"Man? What is that, God?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, " but what's the catch, God?"

"Well - you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that, God?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring - so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. You know, woman to woman."