Sunday, March 12, 2006

Jokes

I don’t like to cook every day but I certainly like to eat every day. What I do, is cook a

chicken or leg of lamb or beef pot roast and sometimes chops or sausages or stir fries etc. But I cook a whole heap at once. I give my son John a couple of meals and also a young friend (who is like another son) a couple and the rest is for me. Two in the fridge and two in the freezer. I prefer to do it this way. I spend the best part of a day cooking, serving and wrapping in Gladwrap (plastic film) andno more for a few days. Each to his own taste.

Some jokes to bring a smile (I hope).

A bloke in a 4WD came across another bloke (man) out in the bush, stuck up to his shoulders in thick mud.

He backs up his truck to the bog, ties a rope around the tow-bar, tosses it over a handy tree branch. He yells to the bloke in the bog to tie the other end of the rope under hs armpits.

He hops back in the 4WD and gives it heaps, but the bloke in the mud wont budge.

As he gets out of his truck, scratching his head, the fella in the mud asks: “Do you think it would help if I took my feet out of the stirrups?”

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She was in the kitchen doing boiled eggs for breakfast.

He walks in and she says: “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.?

He thinking it’s his lucky day, obliges immediately on the kitchen table.

Afterwards he says: “What was that all about?”

She says: “The egg timer’s broken.

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A young blonde woman was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay the high prices the vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the no-haggle attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted:”Maybe I’ll go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price !”

The shopkeeper said: “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll

luck out and catch yourself a big one !”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he sees the young woman standing waist-deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 3metre alligator swimming quickly towards her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then, the blonde flips the alligator on it’s back, and frustrated, shouts out:

“Damn it, this one isn’ts wearing any shoes either !”

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Fridge magnet……”I love my husband because he’s got a will of

his own, and it’s made out to me.”

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That's all folks.!!!!!

6 comments:

Peter said...

Hi Merle, I like the aligator shoes one.
I'm not sure what you meant by a new homepage? I haven't changed anything on my site, I did create a new one for Jacqui, maybe you got a look at that one somehow???

bubba said...

I cook the same way. But my frezzer is very small. The jokes are great as usual.

Joy Des Jardins said...

I bet you're a good cook Merle. I'm sure your son and your young friend appreciate all the "goodies" they get from you. What a nice and thoughtful thing to do. Loved the jokes.

Granny said...

Hi from Ann in the California San Joaquin Valley. Love your jokes - all new to me except the one about the chimps. In the version I heard, they were penguins and it was the San Francisco zoo.

I'm a great-granny as well, raising three great-granddaughters 10, 11 & just turned 13.

I found you visiting mother damnable and I can be found at
rocrebelgranny.blogspot.com
or
ann.adams95340@gmail.com

Love to have you drop in if you have time.

The egg timer joke was priceless. I'd like to steal it for my blog please.

Best,
Ann (aka granny)

JunieRose2005 said...

LOL!!

The egg timer one is the best ever!!


June

mreddie said...

Cooking ahead is a very good idea, it is just that we don't usually think of it until the time we need the meal. :) ec