Lovely Day and Jokes

A lovely Autumn day here in Australia. Hopefully the really

hot weather has gone. I am consistent, I complain when it gets really cold as well. Fortunately I have great cooling and heating systems. Others are not so lucky and I feel sorry for them. If only the hungry could be fed and others helped to

to have better and happier lives, with homes to live in and loved

ones to care for them. If only…………

Some jokes John found for me……..

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip

After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all

powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day

tomorrow, Why, what does it tell YOU?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

“Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent.”

· * * * * * * * * * * * *

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.

A woman is driving down the same road.

As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells “PIG !!”

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies,

“BITCH !!”

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

If only men would listen.!!!

* * * * * * * * * * *

There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another lnde on the opposite side.

“Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, How can I get to the other side?”

The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river and shouts back, “You are on the other side.”

· * * * * * * * * * * *

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $2,000 in the collection plate, This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome with

curiousity, approached her. “Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $2,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and what I don’t need, I give to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?” The old lady said, “Oh, $20,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son must be very successful; what does he do for a living?”

“He’s a veterinarian.” she answered.

“That’s a very honourable profession, the pastor says. Were

does he practice?”

The old lady said proudly, “Well he has two cat houses in

Las Vegas and one in Reno !”

· * * * * * * * * * *

And finally …………

A girl was visiting her friend and the friend’s two new dogs.

She asked their names and was told one was called Rolex and

the other was Seiko.

“Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” she asked.

“HELLLOOOOOO”.…. said her friend. “They are watchdogs.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * That’s all folks !!