Monday, August 21, 2006

Butcher Dance.

Good evening People or Good morning ~~ Whatever.

I had an e-mail from a friend warning of a possible

cause of breast cancer. It said that we should not

use anti-perspirants, as apparently we are meant to

perspire to get the bad stuff out of us. It seems that

deodorants are OK, but not the anti-perspirants. I

thought I would pass it on as something to consider.

Shopping day tomorrow and as it is only once every

two weeks, I get excited about it. No hope for me !!

<><><><>

<><><> This is a joke called the Butcher Dance. <><><>

A guy spent five years traveling all around the world making a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he had every single native dance of every indigenous culture in the world on film -- or so he thought. He wound up in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he popped into a pub for a well earned beer. He got talking to one of the local Aborigines and told him about his project. he Aborigine asked the guy what he thought of the Butcher Dance. "Butcher Dance?" he said, confused. "What's that?" "What? You didn't see the Butcher Dance?" "No, I've never heard of it."

<><><> "Mate, you're crazy," the Aborigine replied. "How can you say you filmed every native dance if you haven't seen the Butcher Dance?" "Umm. I got a Corroborree on film just the other week. Is that what you mean?" "No, no. The Butcher Dance is much more important than the Corroborree." "Oh," the man said, his curiosity piqued. "Well how can I see this Butcher Dance then?" "Mate, the Butcher Dance is way out in the wilderness. It'll take you many days of travel to go see it." "Look, I've been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon, to deepest darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic filming these dances. Nothing will prevent me from recording this one last dance." "Ok, mate," the Aborigine replied, shrugging. "You drive north along the highway towards Darwin. After you drive 197 miles, you'll see a dirt track veer off to left. Follow the dirt track for 126 miles till you see big huge dead gum tree -- the biggest tree you've ever seen. Here you gotta leave car, because it's much too rough for driving. You strike out due west into the setting sun. Walk three days till you hit a creek. You follow this creek to the northwest. After two days you'll find where the creek flows out of some rocky mountains, but it's much too difficult to cross the mountains there, though. So you head south for half day until you see a pass through mountains. The pass is very difficult and very dangerous. It'll take you two, maybe three days to get through it. On the other side, head northwest for four days until you reach a big huge rock -- twenty feet high and shaped like a man's head. From the rock, walk due west for two days, and then you'll find the village. You'll be able to see the Butcher Dance there." <><><>

So the guy grabbed his camera crew and equipment and headed out. After a couple of hours, he found the dirt track. The track was in a shocking state, and he was forced to crawl along at a snail's pace, and so he didn't reach the tree until dusk, where he was forced to set up camp for the night. He set out bright and early the following morning. His spirits were high, and he was excited about the prospect of capturing on film this mysterious dance that he had never heard mention of before. True to the directions he had been given, he reached the creek after three days and followed it for another two, until he reached the rocky mountains. The merciless sun was starting to take its toll, and the spirits of both himself and his crew were starting to flag; but wearily they trudged on, finally finding the pass through the mountains. Nothing would prevent him from completing his life's dream. The mountains proved to be every bit as treacherous as their guide had said, and at times they despaired of ever getting their bulky equipment through. But after three and a half days of back breaking effort, they finally forced their way clear and continued their long trek. When they reached the huge rock, four days later, their water was running low, and their feet were covered with blisters, but they steeled themselves and headed out on the last leg of their journey. Two days later they virtually staggered into the village. To their relief, the natives welcomed them and fed them and gave them fresh water, and they began to feel like new men. Once he recovered enough, the guy went before the village chief and told him that he came to film their Butcher Dance.

<><><>

"Oh mate," he said. "Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last night. You too late. You miss dance." "Well, when do you hold the next dance?" "Not till next year." "Well, I've come all this way. Couldn't you just hold an extra dance for me tonight?" "No, no, no!" the chief exclaimed. "Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold once a year. You want see Butcher Dance, you come back next year." Understandably, the guy was devastated, but he had no other option but to head back to civilization and back home. The following year, he headed back to Australia and, determined not to miss out again, set out a week earlier than before. He was quite willing to spend a week in the village before the dance is performed in order to ensure he was present to witness it. But right from the start, things went wrong. Heavy rains that year turned the dirt track to mud, and the car got bogged down every few miles. Finally they had to abandon their vehicles and slog through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree. They reached the creek and the mountains without any further problems, but halfway through the mountain pass, they were struck by a fierce storm that raged for several days, during which they were forced to cling forlornly to the mountainside until it subsided. Then, before they had traveled a mile out from the mountains, one of the crew sprained his ankle badly, slowing down the rest of their journey greatly. Eventually, having lost all sense of how long they had been traveling, they staggered into the village right at noon. "The Butcher Dance!" the man gasped. "Please don't tell me I'm too late to see it!" The chief recognized him and said, "No, white fella. Butcher Dance performed tonight. You come just in time."

<><><>

Relieved beyond measure, the crew spent the rest of the afternoon setting up their equipment and preparing to capture the night's ritual on celluloid. As dusk fell, the natives started to cover their bodies in white paint and adorn themselves in all manner of birds' feathers and animal skins. Once darkness had settled fully over the land, the natives formed a circle around a huge roaring fire. A deathly hush descended over performers and spectators alike as a wizened old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering his entire body entered the circle and began to chant. "What's he doing?" the man whispered to the chief. "Hush," the chief whispered back. "You first white man ever to see most sacred of our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he asks that the spirits of the dream world watch as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our dance, and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious as to watch over us and protect us for another year." The chanting of the holy man reached a stunning crescendo before he removed himself from the circle. The rhythmic pounding of drums boomed out across the land, and the natives began to sway to the stirring rhythm. The guy became caught up in the fervor of the moment himself. This was it. He realized beyond all doubt that his wait had not been in vain. He was about to witness the ultimate performance of rhythm and movement ever conceived by mankind.

<><><> The chief strode to his position in the circle and, in a big booming voice, started to sing: "You butch yer right arm in. You butch yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in, and you shake it all about....

<><><><><> It is a long one , but I thought it was funny. <><><><>

<><> I found this is the local paper and laughed. <><>

Some questions asked of technical support personel

about computer problems. . . . . .

Tech support –What kind of computer do you have?

Customer _ A white one.

Customer – Hi this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.

Tech support – Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer – Yes, sure, but it’s really stuck.

Tech Support –That doesn’t sound good. I’ll make a note.

Customer – No, wait a minute. . . I hadn’t inserted it yet. . .

it’s still on my desk . . . Sorry . . . .

Tech Support – Click on my computer icon on the left of screen

Customer – Your left or my left?

Tech Support – Good day, how may I help you?

Male customer – Hello . . . I can’t print.

Tech support – Would you click on “start” for me and . . .

Customer – Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me.

I’m not Bill Gates.

Customer – Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha.. I can’t print.

Every time I try, it says “Can’t find printer”. I have even lifted

the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer

still says he can’t find it. . .

Customer - I have problems printing in red . . .

Tech support – Do you have a colour printer?

Customer – Aaah . . . thank you.

Tech support – What is on your monitor now, ma’am?

Customer – A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me.

Customer – I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen

saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse

it disappears.

Tech support – How may I help you ?

Customer – I’m writing my first e-mail.

Tech support – OK, what seems to be the problem?

Customer – Well I have the “a” in the address, but how do I

get the circle around it ?

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem

with her printer.

Tech support - Are you running it under Windows?

Customer – No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good

point. The man in the next cubicle next to me is under the

window, and his printer is working fine.

Tech support – Okay Bob, let’s press the control key and escape keys at the same time.That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer – I don’t have a P.

Tech support – On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer – What do you mean?

Tech support – “P” . . . on your keyboard, Bob.

Ccustomer – I’m not going to do that !!!

<><><><> I hope you got a few laughs folks. <><><><>

<><><> Just a few thoughts. <><><>

The secret of making something work in your lives is first of

all, the deep desire to make it work; then the faith and belief

that it can work; then to hold clear definite vision in your

consciousness and see it working out step by step, without one

thought of doubt or disbelief. –Eileen Caddy.

<><> Believe nothing of what you hear, and only half of what

you see. --Proverb.

<><> Believe in the best, think your best, study your best, have

a goal for your best, never be satisfied with less than your

best, try your best and in the long run things will turn out

for the best. – Henry Ford.

<><> Good, better, best,

May you never rest,

Until your good is better,

And your better best. Anonymous.

Cheerio for now, Take care of each other, Merle.

<><><><><><><>

24 comments:

Margaret said...

Dear Merle thanks for your comments, I certainly did enoy living it up. I am also getting a lot of pleasure out of blogging.

Merle said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kenju said...

The butcher dance WAS funny - but also a let-down - as I thought it was a true story and not a joke....LOL

bubba said...

Some good laughs there.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

The Butcher Dance was well worth reading...I loved it!
And the tech support questions were very funny. I especially liked the one where the customer said that everytime she moved her mouse the screensaver disappeared...FUNNY.

Karen said...

You go right ahead and get excited over shopping day :-) We all have our little things to get excited about that others think we're nuts for. For example: I get excited when I can organize/reorganize. LOL

I liked the last quote - really all of them, but that was my favorite.

Have a wonderful day shopping! *HUGS*

Sue said...

Hi Merle,
The butcher dance was funny!
We also enjoyed the computer help desk stories.
Enjoy your shopping. I don't mind the shopping, but I don't enjoy the putting everything away!!
((hugs))

Tammy said...

Merle!!!
You bad, bad, girl you!!
You really got me good with the butcher dance!!
:-D

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,

The computer stuff is funny....but close to the truth too!
As you know I'm in a computer crisis right now, trying to get switched to DSL!
My problem is complicated for me by having trouble talking on the phone (Yes, I have a hearing problem!!) Turns out , my SIL will have to leave before I'm connected! Oh, well!!

...about your shopping- My shopping day is my big day out, too! ;) You've probably gathered as much from my posts!

Ms. Vickie said...

Merle- First my apologies for having been away for too long
these days I just have not been able to find my way to comment
very much. Thank you the special treats I found here today. I am
doing my best to get back to into things but it is not easy.
Thank you for understanding.

Margaret said...

Dear Merle, thank you for your support of my blogging efforts. The computer seems to be playing fair now. Peter has spent a lot of time sorting it all out for me. I think if mine was the first he set up there would never have been anymore. Some of the computer technical comments are very close to the truth. Love Margaret.

Big Dave T said...

Loved the butcher joke. It was long enough that I should have seen the punchline coming, but I didn't. My wife told me tonite that I wasn't that funny, but then I told her the Butcher joke. That gave her a smile, even if she said it was "stupid." Stupid is funny too sometimes.

PEA said...

Oh my, the butcher dance was so funny...never expected that ending! lol And the tech support problems were absolutely hilarious...what's scary is that they are REAL calls the techs get! lol Enjoyed everything else too:-) Enjoy your shopping!! Hugs Merle xoxo

mreddie said...

I have read that story about the anti-perspirants as well - interesting. Hope you have a good shopping day. I joke about the best day of the week being Tuesday, that is the day the Bi-Lo (local supermarket) sales paper comes out and I get to see what is on sale the next week. :) ec

Meow said...

I just looooved the computer help desk stuff ... soo funny.
Hope you are well, and having a great week.
Are you having strange weather at the moment, like we are down here ?? One minute cold, cloudy, rainy, next minute sunny and warm ... what's with that !?!?!

Anyway, take care, Merle ... Meow

Michelle said...

Merle i think the anti persperant thing is an urban legend. www.snopes.com is a fantastic site for these types of emails :o)

Your potato cakes sound delicious, i bet they taste divine :)

G-Man said...

Thanks for the laughs! Good to see you are doing well!

Donnak said...

Hi Merle, I love that tech stuff. Those are what my 'techy' friends call an 'ID 10 T' problem. LOL

I hope you are having a great week so far! :)

Da Gal said...

Hiya Merle - I love the tech jokes and the quotes. I saved the quotes for some of the cards I make.

Thanks for making me smile today. Hope you enjoyed your shopping trip!

Jon Cox said...

Hahaha!!!! OMG, I laughed soooo hard at the tech support jokes! AWESOME POST as always! :o)

Granny said...

I really thought the butcher dance was going to be about some long lost tribe of cannibals. That is so funny. My son adores those long shaggy dog stories. By the time he gets done telling one, it's twice as long.

I'll have to send him this one.

Peter said...

The butcher joke was bad enough for a really loud groan!!

Val said...

The techie jokes did make me lol! I have an artist friend who is, shall we say, not very computer literate. Someone was helping her navigate around the internet, and he said "Click on this link (pointing to the screen) with your mouse". She lifted up the mouse and clicked on the screen!

Hope your shopping went ok. Gee, I wish I only had to shop every two weeks (rather than every two days almost). But scary in your case if you forget something. When that happens to me I let out a yell and then tell one of my sons to go down to the milk bar (5 minute walk).

Raggedy said...

Shopping is fun!
The Butcher Dance is awesome...hahahaha good one!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one