Friday, August 25, 2006

Delinquent.

Hello My Friends ~~ Another day gone by. It has been

trying to rain, but not a lot so far. I hope there will be

more overnight, as the farmers and water storages do

need it so badly. What we had has watered my garden.

I have a nice patch of Broad Beans in flower, so they

will be great fairly soon. Some camelias and azaleas

have started flowering and some other things also.

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First tonight is a story “How to Make a Delinquent.”

Begin from infancy to give the child everything he wants

. . .this way he’ll grow up to believe that the world owes

him a living.

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When he picks up bad words, laugh at him . . . . it will

encourage him to pick up cuter phrases that will blow the

top of your head off later on.

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Never give him any spiritual training . . . . wait till he’s 21

and then let him decide for himself.

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Avoid the use of the word “wrong”. . . . it may develop a

guilt complex, and this will condition him to believe later

when arrested for stealing a car that society is against him

and he’s being persecuted.

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Pick up everything he leaves lying around – books, shoes,

clothes, etc . . . do everything for him, so he’ll be experienced

in throwing all responsibility on to others,

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Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be

careful that silveware and drinking glasses are sterilised, but

. . . let his mind feed on garbage.

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Quarrel frequently in his presence . . . this way he won’t be too

shocked when the home is broken up.

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Give him all the spending money he wants . . . . why should he

have things as tough as you did.

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Take his part against neighbors, teachers and policemen . . . .

They’re all prejudiced against him.

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Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See

every essential desire is gratified . . . denial may lead to

harmful frustrations.

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Prepare yourself for a life of heartache . . . .you will have it.

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<><> Political correctness when talking about Men. <><>

He does not have a beer gut

He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage.

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He is not quiet.

He is Conversational Minimalist.

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He is not stupid.

He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

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He does not get lost all the time.

He discovers Alternative Destinations.

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He does not get falling down drunk.

He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

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He does not talk constantly about cars.

He has Vehicular Addiction.

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He is not balding.

He is in Follicle Regression.

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He is not a male chauvinist pig.

He has Swine Empathy.

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He does not eat like a pig.

He suffers from Reverse Bullimia.

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A senior citizen said to his 80 year old chess partner,

“So I hear you are getting married ?”

“Yep,” was the firm reply. “Do I know her?” he asked.

“Nope,” was another firm reply.

“This woman, is she good looking?””Not really,” said the

prospective groom. “Is she a good cook?”

“Can’t cook to save herself,” the old fella said.

“Does she have lots of money?”

“No, poor as a churchmouse,” he said.

“Well the, she must be good in bed?”

“I”I don’t know,” was the surprising answer.

“Why in the world do you want to marry her?”

“Because she can still drive.”

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A man was bragging to his mates about his sister, who

disguised herself as a man and joined the army.

“But wait a minute,” said one of his mates. “She’ll have to

dress with the boys and shower with them too, won’t she?”

“Sure,” said the bragger.

“Well, won’t they find out ?”

“Yeah, but who’s gonna tell?”

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<><> And a few thoughts for you. <><>

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle

of the road. They get run over. –Aneurin Bevan.

Confidence is realising that although you aren’t best at

something, you still enjoy doing it. Anon.

What the hell –you might be right, you might be wrong-

-- but don’t just avoid. –Katharine Hepburn.

And to finish -- An Irish Blessing

May the road rise up to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

May the rain fall soft upon your fields

And until we meet again

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Bye for now, Take care, Have a great day, Merle.

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16 comments:

Sue said...

Lots of truths there in the "Delinquent"
Enjoy your day Merle..Hope you get that rain!
:-)

JunieRose2005 said...

That first one is so true!!



June

Tracie said...

thought the delinquent bit was spot on and thought the last bit was great - trust your well Merle - from Tracie

Ava said...

Great post! Hope you get some rain!

Ms. Vickie said...

Another great one Ms. Merle, thank you very much for sharing.
as always I enjoyed my visit.

audrey` said...

Good Morning, Merle :)

I saw your pic on Jerry's blog.
You've a very sweet and warm smile.

PEA said...

Loved reading them all!! Especially loved the Delinquent one, so much truth in it! lol I'm feeling much better today, Merle, was just a down day yesterday, I guess I was just trying to do too much at once. Today I relaxed and took time for "me" and that helped tremendously:-) Thank you for caring!! Hugs xoxo

mreddie said...

Sounds like your spring is almost there. Have seen more deliquents being formed than I care to mention. Not only are they a problem to the world and their parents - they are their own worst problem. ec

Granny said...

Sorry I haven't been around. It's been busier than usual.

Funny stories, as always.

Jon Cox said...

Hahaha!!! I love the political correctness & the senior citizen joke as well! Thank you so much for stopping by, it's ALWAYS so wonderful to hear from you & you are so welcome! I always have so much fun on your blog! :o)

Donnak said...

Ooo, I see now, there's more to the Irish Blessing! lol

Thanks for visiting again Merle, I love getting visits from you!

As for the picture you said you liked, use it if you want. I got it in an email ages ago and saved it because I liked it.

I can't decide which part is my favorite today, they are all funny! Have a great weekend. :)

Puss-in-Boots said...

Oh Merle, you have hit upon my soapbox. Earlier this week I fired off a broadside to "Today Tonight" on that very same subject - parents who refuse to give their kids any guidelines and who cannot say no. I'm afraid I'm getting very annoyed about these programmes on parents who "can't control their kids".

Anyway, I'll stop before I get too carried away.

Hope all is well with you.

Take care

Robyn

Connie and Rob said...

Delightful post as usual. Hope you get some rain. We could use a little too.

Take care,
Connie

Corry said...

Hi Merle,
I came here through Audrey's site and enjoyed your blog.
I hope you get some rain soon.
God bless you.

God's Grace.

Raggedy said...

Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Joy Des Jardins said...

I really love this batch of goodies Merle. I'm printing these up. Thanks so much. Have a great day sweetie. I guess I'll be hoping for some rain for you guys. We're getting some....certainly more than you are. Take care...