Saturday, August 12, 2006

LIFE

Howdy Folks ~~ I’m back again !! It has been a nice day

here today about 17 degrees AND tomorrow we expect

19. How good is that ? And instead of being out in it I

will be watching Carlton try to win against Hawthorn.

Hopefully, we will get other nice days to enjoy.

<><><><>A small Poem called LIFE. <><><><>

At five I believed in the fairies’ spell,

At ten I believed in heaven and –- well,

At fifteen ‘twas sport and call of adventure’

At twenty, romance was my favourite venture.

Twenty-five brought marriage, with the mate of my choice.

At thirty, with children, I near lost my voice,

Thirty-five brought dawning of wisdom and wrinkle,

What’s to come later, I haven’t an inkle.

But believe in yourself and not all you hear

And from what Granny tells me,

You’ll have nothing to fear.

<><><><>

Some unusual very Punny Stories.

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two

dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them

and says, “I’m sorry gentlemen, only one carrion

allowed per passenger.”

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went

to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other

stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted

to much. The second one, naturally , became known as

the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when

they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again

that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

4. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.

He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I;m looking

for the man who shot my paw.”

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused

Novocain during root canal. He wanted to transcend

dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and

were standing in the lobby discussing their recent

tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came

out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”

they asked as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I

can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One

of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal.

The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.

Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth

mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband

that she wishes she had a picture of Amal. He responds,

“They’re twins ! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

8. There was a woman who sent ten different puns to friends,

in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them

laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

<><><> New Inventions made by Blondes. <><><>

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlights

Submarine screen doors

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart boards

A dictionary index

Pen sharpeners

Powdered water

Pedal-powered wheel chairs

Waterproof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do-it-yourself road map

Toe implants

An all white flag

Rolls Royce pick-up truck

Helicopter Ejecter Seat

<><><><> GERMs OF TRUTH. <><><><>

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not

yet been discovered. Ralph Waldo Emerson.

<><><>

A man should never plant a garden larger than his

wife can take care of. T. H. Everett.

<><><>

God made rainy days so gardeners could get the

housework done. Unknown.

<><><>

Give weeds an inch and they’ll take your yard. Anon.

<><><>

We can complain because rose bushes have

thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

Abraham Lincoln.

<><><>

Gardening requires a lot of water --- most of it in the

form of perspiration. Lou Erickson.

<><><>

Gardens are not made by sitting in the shade.

Rudyard Kipling.

<><><>

One of the worst mistakes you can make as a gardener

is to think you’re in charge. Janet Gillespie.

<><><> Bye for now, Have a great weekend, Merle. <><><>

16 comments:

DellaB said...

Hi Merle, isn't this weather amazing - we are having absolutely beautiful days too (well, of course thats Queensland, you know, beautiful one day...)

I have only recently discovered the joys of the crockpot, so your recipes find a good home here... I have never been able to make dumplings, mum used to, but mine always sink or spread into a gooey mess...

Go the crows... port... the lions... (I've moved around a bit!)

Jada's Gigi said...

Hi ther, surfed over from Tammy's site. Nice meeting you. that chicken recipe looks good! I love dumplins!

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

What a lovely way to start my morning, by reading your posts and laughing, laughing, laughing.

Thanks for always being such a faithful reader over at my blog and thanks for correcting me on your email and where to find it. As you know Tammy was needing it, so I hope that you told her where to find it.

Granny said...

19 C translates into 66 F which is a beautiful day no matter where we live.

I've heard that weed is a flower misplaced.

Susiebadoozie said...

love the blonde jokes. as i'm sure the blondes do too. if there are any real ones out there anymore?

Mom Called Me Sadie said...

LOL!! I sure enjoy your blog. Full of fun, wisdom, and a good sense of humor.
Have a great day, Merle!

Tammy said...

lol at Juan and Amal!!!
that was too funny as was the rest...you crack me up@!!!
:-D

Puss-in-Boots said...

Where do you get all your jokes, Merle? I love them so thank you for the laughs.

About weeds, aren't they misunderstood flowers?

Thank you for your cheerful, wise posts. Love and hugs.

Puss-in-Boots said...

BTW - go the Lions! lol

wazza said...

Gidday Merle, Yep it's been nearly 3 years since Mum passed away. Time doesn't stand still does it? I'm sure pretty proud of what my sister has achieved. A lot of others would of given up at the "hard slog" but no she persevered with her dream to where she is now recognized by her peers.
Love your jokes altho' it's hard to come up with some that haven't been read before.

Kelvin said...

Hello from across the ditch in New Zealand. We make sure Granny Smith can't fall out of her rocking chair when she gets on the computer, because the first blog she looks at on our blog Around The World In 80 Blogs is..........your blog !!!
We have reached 40 blogs !!!

Bye for now - I am sure you had a great weekend !!!

Connie and Rob said...

My favorite!!
A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.”

How many old westerns have we watched that had this line in it?? It was a big joke with my dad and me.

Thanks for making me smile.
Take care,
Connie

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

It is a pleasure as always to read your blog. And I like it all especially the garden jokes.

Janice~

Kathryn Brimblecombe-Fox said...

Hi Merle,
Thaks for your comment. I have had alook at your blog and your poem is called "Life" jsut like my painting. I think we women have a multi dimensional view of life and poetry and art can help us put all the dimensions together. WhenI was a lot younger I wanted anotehr name, but I really like Kathryn now!
Cheers,
Kathryn

Margaret said...

Hello Merle, thanks for the birthday wishes I was so happy receive so many. I am enjoying finding my way blogging, I am a little insecure at present will become more secure and better as I go along thanks for hanging in there for me love Margaret

Margaret said...

Dear Merle, love the garden humour,iwas home from work sick on my birthday 7th August. However that did not matter, people sent so many birthday wishes to me via blog it was wonderful. At last I am able to answer them all. Love Margaret