Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Grandmas.

Hello ~~ It’s Me Again Margaret - The title of a great

Ray Stevens’ song. I hope all is well, all OK here. Well

today I went to the hairdresser by taxi and she permed

my hair which was long and terrible; now it is short and

looking much better. And no-one to see and nowhere to go !!

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Last night in Australia we had a Census form to fill out

and now wait to have them collected. I guess most of your

countries have them also. They work out where to build

schools, hospitals etc and count us every 5 years.

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<><><> What is a Grandma ? <><><>

A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own, so

she likes other people’s little girls.

(A Grandfather is a man Grandmother. He goes for walks

with the boys, and they talk fishing and things like that.)

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Grandmas don’t have anything to do except be there. It is

enough if they drive us to the supermarket where the

pretend horse is, and have lots of coins ready. Or if they

take us for walks, they slow down past pretty leaves and

caterpillars. They never say “Hurry Up.”

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Usually they are plump, but not too plump to tie kid’s shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear. They don’t have to

be smart, only answer questions like why dogs hate cats, and

how come God isn’t married.

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They don’t talk visitors’ talk like visitors do, because it is hard

to understand. When they read to us, they don’t skip words,

or mind if it is the same story again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, because they

are the only grown-ups who have time.

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<><><><> Joke of the Day <><><><>

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York

City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of

how the store operates. You may only visit the store once.

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There are 6 floors and the attributes of the men increase as

the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch you may choose any man from a

particular floor or you may choose to go up a floor, but you

cannot go back down, except to exit e building.

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So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign reads : Floor 1 --These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads : Floor 2 --These men have jobs and

love kids.

The third floor sign reads : Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love

kids and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” the woman thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

The sign reads : Floor 4 –These men ave jobs, love kids, are

drop dead good looking and helps with the housework.

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“Oh, my God !” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it.”

Still she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads “ Floor 5 –

These men have jobs, love kids, are drop dead gorgeous, help

wih the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

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She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and

the sign reads – Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to

this floor. There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible

to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

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<><><> Understanding Advertising Slogans. <><><>

A number of different approaches are being tried.

Translation – We are still grasping at straws.

Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured.

Translation – We are so far behind schedule the

customer should be happy just to get it delivered.

Test results were extremely gratifying.

Translation – We were so surprised the stupid thing worked.

The entire concept will have to be abandoned.

Translation -The only person who understood the thing quit.

We’ll look into it.

Translation – Forget it, we have enough problems for now.

Please read and initial.

Translation – Let’s spread the responsibility around for the

mistakes.

Rugged.

Translation – Too heavy to lift,

Lightweight.

Translation – Lighter than rugged.

Energy saving.

Translation – When the power switch is off.

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<><><> A Thought to Finish <><><>

Offering hope to others through a loving word, a thoughtful

act, or a simple smile is the surest way to lift your own spirit.

---- Lain Chroust Ehmann.

<><><> Bye till next time. Take care friends, Merle. <><><>

17 comments:

JunieRose said...

Hi Merle,

I enjoyed all you posted- especially that grandmother one!

lol- and the Husband store was good!!!

June

Sue said...

Morning Merle,
I liked the Grandma story!!
We both laughed at the husband joke, dh just a "bit" more than me!!!
((hugs}}

Tammy said...

Grandmothers are mothers with frosting!!
I recently read this in an email I recieved...loved the grandparents bit!
:-D

Tammy said...

something weird is...every time I leave you a comment I get an email that says undeliverable email for you...hmmm...strange!!
~~~~~

PI said...

I would have gone up to the 6th floor - ever hopeful. Being a grandma is my happiest role. Here via Granny.

Sue said...

Hi Merle,
I'm back again because I got the same message as Tammy. Your ISP thinks I'm spam :-)
(Same thing happened on Val's site)
I see the comment posted, so I don't know what's up!!!

PEA said...

Lol loved the Husband Store joke...we women are so hard to please, aren't we! lol Loved everything else in this post also...always a pleasure to read your blog every day:-) Take care Merle:-) HUGS

Granny said...

Merle, I got it too. I thought one of my emails didn't go through.

Ray Stevens sure did some funny songs. I remember that one.

mreddie said...

I do remember that song and use that phrase on the wife on occasion. I know it makes my Spice feel better when she gets her hair done up. The smile is the best way to improve our appearance - without surgery. ec

Donnak said...

I love this! The Grandma thing is fantastic - reminds me of my grandma. :)

That Husband Store made me laugh.

Hugs! Donnak

Connie and Rob said...

Loved your joke of the day about the Husband Store. I needed a laugh.

Take care,
Connie

Val said...

The husband store is a good one. Wonder if someone has written about a wife store. I've got an idea to start off: at the entrance only men who have the following characteristics would be allowed in:
They have jobs, love kids, are drop dead gorgeous, help wih the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Always love Grandmother things. Thanks Merle. Yours goodies are always such a nice day brightener my dear friend. Take care....

Ava said...

I've been thinking about getting my hair permed again.

Ava said...

Just dropping in again to say hello!

Ava said...

Just wanted to say hello! Hope that all is well.

Raggedy said...

I did the husband store also..
hahaha!

http://its-a-raggedy-life.blogspot.com/2006/07/husband-store.html

hugs