SOME FUNNY QUOTES

SOME FUNNY QUOTES Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight. George Globol. Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. Bill Vaughan. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain. A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. Marvin Kitman. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. Dave Barry. Everywhere is in walking distance if you have the time.Dave Barry A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT. Dave Barry. I don’t know whether the world is run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it. Zig Ziglar. If you can’t convince them, confuse them. Harry S.Truman. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that. George Carlin. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Herm Albright. I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. George Burns. Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer. Dave Barry. Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. Ogden Nash. And a few witty jokes….. House guarded by shotgun 3 days a week. Guess which days. A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. If practice makes perfect and nobody is perfect, why practice? I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.. I intend to live forever, or die trying. The real trouble with reality is there is no background music. I hope some of these got a smile on some faces. It is so darned hot here my rememberer isn’t working today.