Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Make a Difference.

Hello there People ~~ I hope things are going well for you.

I have had a couple of bad days – first I could not send

emails, got that fixed and couldn’t get on the net. Got

that one fixed and then Blogger didn’t want recognise me.

So now that, that is fixed I wonder what the next disaster

will be. I even had to comment as an “other” a few times.

However all is well and I am cautiously optimistic.

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First a little poem called “It Makes all the Difference”

Isn’t it nice when you’re lonely,

Feeling discouraged and blue,

To have someone pop in and offer,

“Is there anything I can do ?“

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Isn’t it good when you’re worried,

The world looking badly askew,

To have someone smiling proffer,

“Is there anything I can do ?”

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Isn’t it grand when the grey skies

Take on a different hue

Just because somebody asks us

“Is there anything I can Do ?”

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So don’t ever, ever be backward

To say it, with meaning true,

When you know someone somewhat downhearted

“Is there anything I can do ?”

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A list of things you would never know if not for TV.

1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

2. Beds have strange shaped sheets that reach up to the armpits on a woman, but only to waist level on a man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. The ventilatiom system of any building is a perfect hiding place, No-one will think of looking there.

5. You’re likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, you do not have to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking a ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. Kitchens don’t have lights. When entering at night, open the fridge door and use that light.

10. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and muffins for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

11. If a killer is loose in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath—even in the afternoon.

12. One man shooting 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

13. Dogs always know how to spot villains, and will bark at them and no one else.

14. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English.

15. It is always possibe to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

16. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

<><><><> Some of those are a bit vague. <><><><>

<><><><> Some Jokes <><><><>

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all

covered in blood, and parked himself on the roof of the

cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began

hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to rack off and let him get some sleep, but

they persisted until he gave in.

“OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with

hundreds of excited bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a

huge forest.

He slowed and all the other bats excitedly milled around him,

their tongues hanging out for blood.

“Do you see that huge tree over there ?” he asked.

“Yes, yes, you bet,” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

“Good for you,” said the first bat, “because I bloody didn’t.”

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This couple were married for 59 years.The husband was asked ; 'if

in all those years had they ever thought of divorce’. "Heavens no" he

replied."Murder yes, but never divorce".

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<><><> A few Blonde Jokes to finish <><><>

Did you hear about the blonde coyote > Got stuck in a trap, chewed off 3 legs and was still stuck.

Did you hear about the blonde who bought an AM radio. It took her 2 weeks to figure out you could play it at night.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? There’s whiteout on the screen.

How can you tell if another blonde’s been using the computer? There’s writing on the whiteout.

How can you tell when a FAX has been sent by a blonde? There’s a stamp on it.

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.

How do blonde brain cells die ? Alone.

That’s it folks, sorry to any blondes reading, nothing

personal. They are just jokes !!! Take care, Merle.

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19 comments:

Meow said...

Computers can be so frustrating ... there are so many things that can go wrong. Glad you sorted it out.
Hope you are enjoying the rainy spell, although it didn't do too much today here, just a little drizzle is all !!
Thanks for all your lovely comments on my blog.
Have a great Wednesday.
Take care, Meow

kenju said...

What's that about Mothers cooking eggs and bacon and muffins every morning? What planet do they live on? LOL

JunieRose2005 said...

Merle,

Loved all your postings today! :)

AND- I'm home and happy to be back!


June

Joy Des Jardins said...

Merle, I'm sorry you've had some technical difficulties. They can be so frustrating. I'm glad you have them ironed out. We've all had days like that where it feels like steam is coming out of our heads and we're going to explode. I hope those troubles are behind you now. Take care sweet Merle....

jel said...

Hi Merle,

just stopping by to say Hi,

hope you are well!

Tammy said...

...and if you watch soap opera's on tv (I do) the gals always have their makeup and lip gloss on...No Matter What!
just had a shower...come with full makeup
just got out of bed...not a smudge on the makeup and hair perfect.
at all times, hair and makeup perfect.
I don't know one single person that lives that way!
:-D

Peter said...

Good pome Merle.

Tracie said...

Hi Merle,
Thanks for your comments on my blog - can l add you to my list?
from tracie

kansasrose said...

Hi Merle! I'm a blonde and I was laughing out loud at the blonde jokes! Those were really good ones I had never heard before. I'll have to show them to my husband. He is always looking for new blonde jokes! hehe! Hope Blogger settles down for you...Lots of folks seem to be having problems again with it. Have a great day! KansasRose

Ava said...

I hope that your computer problems are all over!!!! That is so frustrating!

PEA said...

Wow you sure have been having problems! Glad to hear that all is working fine now...fingers crossed! Loved everything on your post again today, especially the "It Makes All The Difference"...lovely! Have a good day Merle:-)

wazza said...

Yeah sure Merle I can just see you (not) doing the supermarket joke.
Ain't computers so much fun. Peter loves dem computers too when problems rear their ugly heads. The best thing is when you can "fix" them without calling in dem experts!!

mreddie said...

Hopefully you have conquered your computer problems at last. I did enjoy the amazing and odd things that one can only learn from TV. :) ec

Mountain Mama said...

"WHITEOUT ON THE SCREEN"
LOL These are good. Thanks for the good laugh Merle!

DellaB said...

HAHAHAHA Merle, I love the juxtaposition:

Blonde jokes.....
"That’s it folks, sorry to any blondes reading, nothing personal. They are just jokes !!!"

"Funeral Joke"

hmmm...

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

My favorit is the bat joke! It took me a minute but I got it, and I'm NOT blond!

Janice~

smiley said...

Hi,

I really like your poem make a difference. Love the jokes too :0)

Jacqui said...

Hi Merle,
I just been having a few days off, no particular reason. I had lost my back button and it was a real pain, Morna arrived this morning, and yes she soon had it back again, what would we do without friends.
hugs jacqui

Raggedy said...

I am glad your computer stuff is getting fixed. It is very frustrating when it doesn't work right.
Good post!
Hugssssss