Monday, July 10, 2006

Good Old Days

Hello Friends ~~ Another day nearly done here, as it is

6 pm (Monday). And it is just on dark, so gates and doors

all locked up and blinds drawn to keep the cold out.

Shopping day tomorrow, for a fortnight’s supplies. I have

to write out a list yet. I write it roughly through the two

weeks as I think of things or run out of them.

I found the following item in a book I have and thought it

may be of interest.

<><><><><><> Good Old Days <><><><><><>

In the age when coffe breaks, the five-day week, air conditioning and

other amenities are taken for granted, it is

enlightening to read the Office Rules drawn up by one

employer of the 1870 s.

1. Employees will daily sweep floors, dust furniture & shelves.

2. Each day, fill lamps, clean chimneys and trim wicks. Wash

windows once a week.

3. Each clerk will bring in a bucket of water and a scuttle of

coal for the day’s business.

4. Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to your

individual taste.

5.The office will open at 7a.m. to 8 p.m. daily, except on the

Sabbath on which day it will remain closed. Each employee is

expected to spend the Sabbath by attending church and by

contributing liberally to the cause of the Lord.

6.Men employees will be given an evening off each week for

courting purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly

to church.

7. After an employee has spent his hours of labour in the office, he

should spend the time reading the Bible and other good books.

8.Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses liquor in any

form, gets shaved in a barber’s shop, or frequents pool and

public –halls, will give me good reason to suspect his worth,

intentions, integrity and honesty.

9.The employee who has performed his labours faithfully

and without fault for a period of five years, and who has been

thrifty, and attentive to his religious duties, will be given an

increase of five cents per day, provided a just return in

profit from the business permits it.

<><><> Wow, and we thought we were hard done by !!! <><><>

This is a repeat Joke – The Cost of Baseball, but it’s funny.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband

is at work. Unbeknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding

in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she

hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: “Dark in here.”

Man; “Yes it is.”

Boy: “I have a baseball.”

Man: “That’s nice.”

Boy: “Want to buy it?”

Man: “No thanks.”

Boy: “My dad’s outside.”

Man: OK, how much?”

Boy: $250.”

In the next few weeks it happens again, that the boy and

the mom’s lover are in the closet together.

Boy: “Dark in here.”

Man: “Yes it is.”

Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”

Man: “How much?”

Boy: “$750.”

Man: Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your ball

and glove. Let’s go outside and play catch.”

The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.”

The father asks. “How much did you sell them for?”

The son says, “$1000.”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends

like that. That is much more than those things cost. I’m going

to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to church, the father alerts the priest, makes the boy

sit in the confessional and closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that s**t again.”

<><><><><><> Lucky Last Joke. <><><><><><>

It may come as a surprise to people not living in Las Vegas,

but there are more Catholic churches there than there

are casinos.

Not so surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will

give casino chips rather than cash when the collection basket

is passed around.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches

have devised a method to cash in the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby

Franciscan monestery for sorting and then the chips are

taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This task is carried out by the chip monks.

<><><><><> Father: “I hear you skipped school to play football.”

Son: “No I didn’t, and I have the fish to prove it.”

An irate woman burst into the baker’s shop and said, “I sent

my son in for 2 pounds of cookies this morning, but when I

weighed them, there was only 1 pound. I suggest you check

your scales.”

The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then

replied, “Ma’am, I suggest you weigh your son.”


May you always walk with the morning star to guide you,

the summer sun on your back, and an angel by your side.

<><><><> Well that is it for this one, See you next time. <><><><>


M.E Ellis said...

Merle, you're so like me! You have 4 kids, I have 5, and we both get a fortnights supply of shopping.


DellaB said...

hahaha .. love the 'good old days' ... I guess time was slower then and everybody knew where they were...

maybe they were!
just kidding...........
thanks Merle

Wystful1 said...

Love, LOVE the chip monks!!!

Have a terrific day Merle.
I have to stop and think always when I come visit you that you are having winter now.

Here, it's blistering hot.

somershade said...

I think we need to reinstate some of those employee rules.

Chip monk,funny bunny

Rosa said...

I just found your blog. I love it! Love the work story. Amazing! My husband just got back from Australia!!

JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Merle,

Always a pleasure coming here!

The boy in the closet was very funny!! :)


Squirl said...

Why, yes, it is winter for you isn't it. I didn't realize until today that you're in Australia.

I'm glad we don't have those same office rules today, sheesh! And the jokes were funny.

Squirl said...

Why, yes, it is winter for you isn't it. I didn't realize until today that you're in Australia.

I'm glad we don't have those same office rules today, sheesh! And the jokes were funny.

Squirl said...

Why, yes, it is winter for you isn't it. I didn't realize until today that you're in Australia.

I'm glad we don't have those same office rules today, sheesh! And the jokes were funny.

PEA said...

I'm kinda glad I wasn't born OR working in those good ol' days! lol We certainly do take our modern conveniences for granted...when you think of how everything had to be done back in those days!! Loved the jokes too:-)

Raggedy said...

I never heard the boy in the closet joke. That was soooooo funny. Times sure looked rough back in the 1800’s; we have come a long way since then eh? Morning star, summer son and angel were nice.
I really like visiting you. I am addicted.
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) meow hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one

The Heir said...

HAHA!! the baseball story is brilliant...

mreddie said...

Only shopping every two weeks would be tough on us - we are fortunate in having a supermarket just about a mile down the road. Those chip monks had quite the high calling didn't they? ec

bornfool said...

Looking at the job duties list the one thing I didn't really understand was getting a shave by the barber. What could be wrong with that? Maybe it meant that they were lazy because they didn't shave themselves. I don't understand.

Janice said...

Hi merle,

I always enjoy reading your blog, it aways gives me a laugh.


Jon Cox said...

Hahahahahaha!!!! I love these jokes! They are all so GREAT! I really like the man & boy one as well as the lucky last joke! VERY WELL DONE!!! Wonderful work my friend! :o)

M.E Ellis said...

Thanks again for your comment on my blog, Merle.

As said there, you sound a very special person.

Have a lovely day.


HORIZON said...

It's dark in here Merle-lol.
I go for a fortnightly shop as well, however we run out within the week and l'm back out for messages! argh! Teenagers! Can you padlock a fridge?

Jacqui said...

Hi Merle, glad you enjoyed the Teddy Bears song, I really am so blessed to have such geat friends.
Guess with Warren blgging now he wont be sharing so many jokes or stories.
Good post again, hugs jacqui

rhapsody said...

Great laughs again- love the blonde jokes & chip monks:)

Stay warm!

Val said...

Baseball story was well worth repeating - thanks!

I see from your more recent post that you forgot the pumpkin (hope your son got you some). Do you roast it/use it in the main meal, or have you ever tried making a dessert with it, such as pumpkin pie? That's fairly uncommon in Australia. At my recent retirement party someone made a pumpkin pie but I had to keep warning people not to load up their plate with pumpkin pie along with their vegetable and meat dishes!