Saturday, July 15, 2006

Monkey Talk.

Hello Friends ~~ Well it is nice to meet up with you again.

Thanks for all your comments about the Dumpling Recipe etc.

Yesterday i made a big steak and kidney stew in my Crockpot, and the Dumplings cooked well in that.

Next I plan to make a big chicken stew and put some dumplings on top of that at the end of cooking.

We have had a nice steady rain all day today, which is great. There was just over 1 inch or 30 millimetres. Good for gardens and the farmers and water storages. We may get more yet.

I have a problem at present, not being able to send e- mails, I can receive them, but not send at present.

Luckily I can still comment and receive comments, so no quite off the air.

And I have a telephone.

Now what can I find to post today----

The Monkey's Viewpoint.

Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree

Discussing things as they seem to be

Said one to the others, "Now listen you two,

There's a certain rumour that can't be true

That man descended from our noble race----

The very idea!! It's a dire disgrace !!

No monkey ever deserted his wife,

Starved her baby and ruined her life,

And you've never known a Mother monk

To leave the babies with others to bunk

While they sit and gaze at one another

Till they scarcely know just who is their mother.

And another thing --- you'll never see

A monk build a fence around a coconut tree

And let all the coconuts go to waste,

Forbidding all other monks a taste.

Why, if I'd put a fence around this tree

Starvation would force you to steal from me.

Here's another thing a monk won't do----

Go out at night and get on the stew,

Or use a gun or club or knife

To take some other monkey's life.

Yes man descended, the ornery cuss .....

But brother, he didn't descend from us !!"

Time for a joke or two.

A mute person wants to buy a toothbrush.

By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shop-keeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there was a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

He just has to open his mouth and ask.

So simple.

A woman is enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends one day.

Suddenly she blurts out, :

Oh, No! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to be really ticked off if it isn't ready on time.

When she gets home, she realizes she doesn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food.

In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up.

She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner.

To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his dinner.

"Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."

Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her golf partners about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him !," they exclaimed.

Two months laer, her husband died.

The women were sitting around when one of them said, "You killed him !! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in ! How can you just sit there so calmly knowing that you murdered your husband ?"

The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the window sill while he was licking his ass. Sorry about that

For more jokes try Warren my friend and Peter's mate.

Oriental Words of Wisdom-----

Man who run in front of car, get tired

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there,

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Calender Sayings.

Love is patient: love is kind: love is not envius or boastful or arrogant. Corinthians 1 3: 4 What a grand thing, to be loved ! What a grander thing still, to love. Victor Hugo

Snow endures but for a season. and joy comes in the morning. Marcus Aurelius.

Patience often is a simple matter of putting yourself in another's place.

Animals are such agreeable friends -- they ask no questions, and they pass no criticisms. <><> Bye for now -- Take care -- Merle. <><>


Granny said...

Sorry about your email. Hope it straightens out soon.

My friend Susie gave you a plug on her blog.

Peter said...

Hi Merle, that's a hell of a long sentence.

Raggedy said...

You covered a lot of ground here..
From cooking steaks and kidneys to Monkeys,blind people,killing hubby's wiff cat food, china men, and then the bible...
Good Post!
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) meow hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one

Merle said...

It's bloody late and that's as good as I can get it, at least it's readable now, CYA

Sue said...

Hope your e-mail is up and running again! I often cover lots of ground in my post too. A bit of variety :-)
Loved the cat food story!!!!

Tammy said...

ROFL...the golfin' lady...the cat food...and how the hubby died!!!!
Oh...this was too funny!!! If she had put a little catnip in it he might have died a very happy man!!!

PEA said...

Lol still laughing from that cat food it!! All the others are good ones too...have saved some of them:-) Have a wonderful day Merle!!

Big Dave T said...

I must come over for dinner some time. Never mind that you're half a world away.

Needed a chuckle today and I knew I could count on you. Thanks.

M.E Ellis said...

Ahahahahahaha at the cat food joke!


Susiebadoozie said...

smiling all the way through. so, i'll stick around, maybe adopt you as a person on my "visit" list. i swear i'm coming to visit australia before i die. i just hope i don't get hit by a truck tomorrow and ruin all my good plans.

Ava said...

Great post as usual. I sure hope that your email isn't down for too long.

Jon Cox said...

Hahahahahaha!!!! I love the golfing lady/cat food joke, thats really GREAT!!! Wonderful post! :o) I really hope your e~mail works again soon!
Take care my friend! :o)

Michelle said...

Merle ya think you could send some of that chicken stew up here in an overnight post bag?!!

Jacqui said...

Hi Merle,
my dumpling recipie is (it's from the Symply too good to be true books)

1 3/4 cups SR Flour.
2 Tbspns chopped parsley
i tspn chicken stock powder
2/3 cup skim milk
1 egg white
extra flour to shape.

Just mix all ing. together and shape into 12 balls.

Loved your post as usual,
hugs jacqui

rhapsody said...

Love the monkey tale, & recipe- not the cat one, though- funny!

Good luck with your email- & thanks so much for your comments!

Tracie said...

Hi, love viewing your blog - just got a visa to move to oz, hope everyone has your humour !!

mar said...

Great jokes, hi from Spain, I have seen you around and thought I would stop by. Have a lovely day!

Thomas LB said...

Hi Merle-

I think you might like the 16 July entry over on my blog- it's all quotes about dogs.


Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I like "Monkey Talk."

mreddie said...

'The monkey's viewpoint' was memorized and recited at a country social function by my older sister about 65 years ago - except back then it was called 'Evolution'. Small world. ec