Saturday, June 03, 2006

Another If.

Howdy Folks ~~ How is life treating you this weekend?

I hope you are all fit and well and have a great break

over the weekend. I am fine and keeping nice and warm.

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I want to clear up my statement last post, about leading a

boring life. I am far from being bored and do not think that

I am boring. What I meant was ~ my day to day life doesn’t

vary much and there are no stories to tell about it.

That is why I mainly post the things that I do. I would like

to thank my friends who commented that I was not boring !!

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The following was posted in my comments by Thomas L B after

my post about Following Dog’s Rules for Life. I hope you enjoy

it. I have called it Another If.

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I worked with a man once who had the following posted above his desk, and your post reminded me of it:

Consider this:

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches & pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of your own, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can ignore a friends limited education and never correct him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, or politics,

Then, my friend, You are ALMOST as good as your dog!

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We only need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools; WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40.

If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.

<><><><><> Remember ~~ <><><><><>

1. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

2. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

3. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get

another chance.

<><><><><> And a frog joke. <><><<><><><>

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see

from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog

says his name is Kermit Jagger, his Dad is Mick Jagger, and

that it’s quite OK, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains

that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, “Sure, I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly

formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with

the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, “ There’s a frog called

Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to

borrow $30,000…….and he wants to use this as collateral.”

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world

is this?” The bank manager looks back at her and says…….

“It’s a knick knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan.

His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

<><><><><><> And a Short Story ~~~ <><><><>

A class was told they had to write a short story in as few

words as possible. The short story had to contain the

following three things:

1. Religion. 2. Sexuality. 3. Mystery.

This was the A+ short story:

Good God, I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it.

<><><><><><><> Cheers to all. <><><><><><>

13 comments:

Karen said...

"You're almost as good as your dog" BRILLIANT! I wasn't expecting that at all and let out a full laugh that made my sleeping cat jump.

Have a wonderful weekend!! :-D

Granny said...

I'm stealing your SD-40 story.

jackt said...

"Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom."

That is very true and doubly true if in a third-world country and the woods, where sometimes accessible bathrooms are few and far between. I know from personal experience!!!

JunieRose2005 said...

;)

Very good, Merle. Had me laughing out loud a few times.



June

Gandksmom said...

OK..we are falling down laughing at the Frog joke/story!

kenju said...

Merle, your life may not be terribly exciting now, but I bet you have some good stories from your youth and young adulthood, don't you? I would love to read some of those.

Mike ( ex scientia, veritas ) said...

Very few people will ever be a good as their pet - it's that ole' unconditional love. ;)

Michelle said...

Hey Merle, hope your having a super weekend! It's so cold up here....was 12 this morning bbrrrrr, my daughter had a beanie and gloves on!

Peter said...

Hi Merle, a good short story.

Jacqui said...

Hi Merle,
your blog friends are right you are certainly not boring, perhaps you should write about your younger years as Kenju has suggested.
Loved the above post.
glad you enjoyed the "Aussie guide"

hugs jacqui

Joy Des Jardins said...

Very funny Merle...have a great weekend...stay warm.

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