Friday, June 30, 2006

What Women Want..??

Hello to you all ~~ Nice to be here again ! At my age, it’s nice to

be anywhere !! I have a good story for you sent to me by e-mail

Thanks again Warren. And for the next one too.

<><><><> What do Women Want <><><><>

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved

by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as

long as he could answer a very difficult question.

Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still

had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex

even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,

but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to

her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of

the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most

beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half

the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch?

Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?

The moral is.....

If you don't let a woman have her own way....

Things are going to get ugly.

<><><><>

<><><><><> WHAT CAN WE EAT?? <><><><><>

Can’t eat Beef ~~~~ Mad Cow Disease

Can’t eat Chicken ~~~~ Bird Flu

Can’t eat Eggs ~~~~ Salmonella

Can’t eat Pork ~~~~ Trichinosis

Can’t eat Fish ~~~~ Mercury and other heavy metals

Can’t eat Fruit and Vegetables ~~~ Insecticides and Herbicides

Hmm mm mm ~~ I believe that only leaves CHOCOLATE Mmm

Remember STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS

<><><><><><><>

<><><><> A repeat of John in Heaven <><><><>

John died and went to Heaven.

When he got to the Pearly Gates,

Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to advances

in education on earth.

In order to gain admittance, a prospective Heavenly Soul must

answer three questions:

1. What two days of the week begin with “T”?

2. How many seconds in a year?

3. What is God’s first name?

John thought for a few minutes and answered:

1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and

Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

3. God has two first names and they are Andy and Howard.

Saint Peter said, OK, I’ll buy Today and Tomorrow, even though

it’s not the answer I expected. Technically you are correct,

But how did you get 12 seconds in a year and why do you think God’s

first name is Andy or Howard?”

John responded, “Well. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd & so on.”

“OK then I give,” said Saint Peter. “But what about God’s first name?”

John said, “Well from the song….Andy walks with me, Andy talks

with me, Andy tells me I am his own…..And then from the prayer….

Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name….”

Saint Peter let him in without another word.

<><><> Bye for now Folks ~ Keep well and happy, Merle. <><><>

13 comments:

Jacqui said...

Hi Merle,
love both the stories, I wonder who thinks all these things up, and what they do with the rest of their time.
I'm off to Perth tommorow and wont be back till Monday or Tuesday, will try to post while I'm there.
hugs jacqui

HORIZON said...

Another thing that women want is EMPATHY- don't try to give us a solution- just empathise. That's why women get along- they know how to listen and 'ooh' and 'ahh'.
Hope that helped any male readers :)
Enjoyed the story of the yellow shirt- l let my daughter (Mel's almost 17) read it too- we have a good laugh together and empathise well. :)

Raggedy said...

Good post. I got those in my mail also but the good ones are always worth a second read. I had not heard the last one and I loved it!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) meow hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one

JunieRose said...

:) loved that last one!!

June

jel said...

I had forgot about those jokes, and they are still funny! :)

have a great weekend!

Jon Cox said...

Hahahaha! AWESOME!!! Great story as well, I love the little ninja you have on top, THATS GREAT! :o)

Peter said...

Hi Merle, off to Brisbane in about an hour, I'm going to see Margaret at Caloundra on the way down.

PEA said...

I hadn't read any of these so they were new to me...loved them all! lol Hope your day is going well...take care:-)

mreddie said...

Lots of wisdom in the first story, cause if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. :) ec

bornfool said...

I loved the King Arthur story. "Things are going to get ugly." lol.

Granny said...

Cute. Blog still down but readable on bloglines or the other feeders and comments can still be posted on that June 22 post.

Ray back in hospital after only two days out.

Good wishes and prayer much appreciated.

I'm trying to let everyone know as I read their posts but could you put a short not on your next post about Ray and about the blog being down (temporarily I hope).

Thanks.

Ann

Donnak said...

LOLOL!

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I heard The Lancelot story before, but it was funny in the setting you put it in. LOL or it'll get ugly part.

Janice~