Howdy Folks ~~ Here we are again. I have been shopping
and so far haven’t thought of a thing I forgot to get.
Today, June 13th is my mother’s birthdate. She has been gone a long time, but we never really forget our loved ones do we?
I got the first article in an e-mail today ~ Thanks, Warren.
It is called : “Doesn’t anyone proof read anymore ??????
The Year’s Best (actual) Headlines of 2005:
1. Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter. (Imagine that!)
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert says.
3.Police Begin Campaign to Run Dowm Jaywalkers.
(That’ll stop ‘em.)
4. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.(What a guy!)
5. Miners Refuse to Work after Death.(Good for nothing lazy
so and so s!)
6. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant.
( see if that works any better than a fair trial)
7. War Dims Hope for Peace. (I can see where it might
have that effect)
8. If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.
9. Cold Waves Linked to Temperatures’
(Who would have thought!)
10. Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.
(They may be on to something)
11. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges! (You mean there is
something stronger than duct tape?)
12. Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge.
(He probably IS the battery charge!)
13. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.
(Weren’t they fat enough?”
14. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
(That’s what he gets for eating those beans!)
15. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks. (Taste like chicken?)
16. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
(Chainsaw massacre all over again!)
17. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.
(Boy, are they tall?)
And the winner is ………
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.
Now that you’ve smiled at least once. It’s your turn to
spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to. (Maybe even a chuckle).
We all need a good laugh. Keep on smiling.
<><><><> Geriatric version of Are You Lonesome Tonight….
(with Apologies to Elvis !!!
Are you lonesome tonight, does your tummy feel tight
Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums?
Does your memory stray, to that bright sunny day…
When you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is you hairline receding? Are your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her; and it’s prostate for him
Does your back give you pain.. do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight….
Is your blood pressure up, your good cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit, Metamucil to boot, keeps you
like a well oiled machine…
If it’s football or baseball..he sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it’s at…but forgets what it’s for.
So your gall bladders gone.. But the gout lingers on.
Tell me dear, are you lovesome tonight?
When you’re hungry, he’s not. When you’re cold then he’s hot
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn down the light, he goes left you go right.
Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic, and witty and smart,
How’d he turn out to be such a cranky old fart?
So don’t take any bets, this is as good as it gets.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
<><><><><> SENILITY PRAYER. <><><><><>
Grant me the Senility to Forget the People I Never
Liked, The Good Fortune to Run into the People
I do like, and the Eyesight to tell the Difference.
<><><><><><> Couple of Sayings. <><><><>
Live as long as you can and die when you can’t help it.
Remember it’s always darkest just before it goes
Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be
the only sunshine he sees all day.
<><><><><> Goodnight here or Good Morning There. <><><><>