Monday, June 19, 2006

More of the Same.

Hi Folks ~~ I hope all goes well with you . And I hope that all the

Dads had a very Happy Father’s Day, and enjoyed some special

attention Like presents and goodies to eat and drink. I am still

working on my phones, but at least they work, which is the main

thing. Like most Aussies, I will be up half the night watching our

Socceroos play the champions, Brazil. One can only hope !!

<><><> Some more of the same Reflections. <><><>

Almost all of our unhappiness is the result of comparing

ourselves to others.

<><><><>

We can’t do much about our appearance, but we have

total control over the kind of person we become.

<><><><>

To change everything, simply change your attitude.

<><><><>

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.

<><><><>

Carrying a grudge is like a run in a stocking, it can only get worse.

Forgiveness is the answer.

<><><><>

When you remember how hard it is to change yourself, you begin

to understand what little chance we have of changing others.

<><><><>

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers, why not

gather your own boquet.

<><><><>

A friend is a person who knows all about you but likes you anyway.

<><><><>

Friends are like a beautiful garden. They require regular care.

<><><><>

The people on our planet are not standing in a line single file. Look

closely. Everyone is really standing in a circle, holding hands,

Wherever you give to the person standing next to you, it

eventually comes back to you.

<><><> A Plaque for Guests. <><><>

Guest..

You are welcome here, be at your ease,

Get up when you’re ready and go to bed when you please.

We’re happy to share with you such as we’ve got

the leaks in the roof and the soup in the pot.

You don’t have to thank us or laugh at our jokes,

Sit deep and come often, you’re one of the folks !

<><><><><>

<><><> LIFE BEFORE COMPUTERS <><><>

An application was for employment

A program was a T V show

A cursor used profanity

And a keyboard was on a piano!

Memory was something you lost with age

And a CD was a bank account

And if you had a corrupted disk

It would hurt when you found out !

Compress was what you did to garbage

Not something you did to a file

And if you unzipped anything in public

You’d be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to a fire

A hard drive was a trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And a back-up happened to the commode.

Cutting, you did with a pocket knfe,

Pasting, you did with glue

Web was where a spider lived

And a virus was the flu!

<><><> And Some Jokes Folks. <><><>

A University student at a football match challenged

a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible

for their generation to understand his.

“You grew up in a different world,” the student said loud

enough for the whole crowd to hear. Today we have

television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on

the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars., we even

have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars,

computers with light- speed processing…. and uh….

Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany,

the old geezer said, “You’re right, we didn’t have those

things when we were young, so we invented them, you

little twit, what the hell are you doing for the next

generation.”

<><><><>

Jacob, aged 92, and Rebecca, aged 89, are excited about

their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to

discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a Chemist.

Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

“Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers. “Yes”.

Jacob : “We’re about to get married,”

“Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: :Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: How about Viagra?”

Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: Medicine for problems, arthritis, jaundice?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety… the works!”

Jacob: “ What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes

for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes….why do you ask….

is there something I can help you with?”

Jacob says to the pharmacist: “We’d like to nominate

your store as our Bridal Gift Registry.”

<><><><><> Couple of Quickies. <><><><><>

Q. Why are elephants banned from pblic swimming pools?

A. They keep dropping their trunks.

<><><><>

Q. What do you call a parrot in a raincoar?

A. Polyunsaturated .

<><><><><>

Q. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma”

A. One has it’s claws at the end of it’s paws; the other

has it’s pause at the end of it’s clause.

<><><><><><>

Q. What do you get when you cross a teddy - bear with

a skunk?

A. Winnie the Peeyew,

<><><><><>

Q. What wears a coat in Winter and pants in Summer?

A. A dog.

<><><><> Goodnight/morning to all, Merle. <><><><>

11 comments:

Peter said...

You've got some editing to do here Merle.

Granny said...

Good morning. Editing?

Ms. Vickie said...

Another nice one Merle, I enjoyed my visit as always.
Thanks for sharing. :)

JunieRose2005 said...

Merle,

Always a pleasure!

June

Clare said...

Great jokes again Merle. Where do you keep finding these gems?

Gandksmom said...

Hi Merle....I just love coming here and getting a good laugh or a life lesson. One of your comments reminded me of a movie that we watched as a family called Pay It Forward. Have you ever heard of it?

Granny said...

If you have a chance to watch it, do.

Jeanette said...

Hi Merle
Had a good giggle at your jokes today keep them comming
Janxxxxxx

Thank you for visiting my site and leaving your comments ..xxxxxxx

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

Your jokes were all gems today, and I can't ever say which ones I liked the best.

So I'll just say I liked them all.

Janice~

doubleknot said...

Great jokes. Liked the one where the teenager was telling the old man off - so right where do they think all this new stuff came from. Liked the list of words that mean something different now a days also. Sometimes I see something on TV and think we would never have seen that when I was younger - well a lot younger - times change.

HORIZON said...

You have just given me such a positive start to my day Merle. ThanX.
Loved the joke about Jacob & Rebecca. :)