Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A Billion.

Howdy Folks ~~ Back again with another enthralling post.

I hope that everything is going well for you all and you are

not too hot or too cold depending where you are. I am fine.

Tomorrow, my son John wil be 52 years old, so I guess I

have an excuse to feel old. I was 20 when he was born.

So a very Happy Birthday John and many more of them.

No putting it off any longer ~~ now I have to work out what

to put on this post.

We will start with “A Billion.” That WOULD be a nice start.

<><><><><>

You often hear the number “one billion” bantered around, But

such a big number is hard to get a handle on. An advertising

agency found the following :

A.. A billion seconds ago it was 1959,

B.. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C.. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone

Age.

D.. A billion days ago no-one walked on two feet on earth.

E.. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the

rate our government spends it.

<><><><> Some Political Correct Expressions ~~ <><><><>

Drunk = Spacially Perplexed

Bisexual = Sexually Non preferential

Bald =Folically Challenged or Comb-Free

Girl = Pre-Woman

Short = Vertically Challenged

Airhead = Reality Impaired

Dead = Metabolically Challenged

Poor = Economically Unprepared

Hunter = Animal Assassin

Hooker = Sexual-Care Provider

Housewife = Domestic Technician

Deaf = Visually Oriented

Ugly = Attractively Impaired

Obnoxious = Charismatically Impeded.

<><><><> Joke for today <><><><>

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was asleep

“Tell me Mary Magaret, who created the Universe?”

When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, her friend little Johnny who

sat behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear….

“God Almighty!” shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, “Very good” and continued to teach her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, “Who is our Lord

and Savior?” But Mary didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again,

Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.

“Jesus Christ!!!” shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun said again:

“Very good.” and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question…. “What did Eve say to Adam

after she had her twenty-third child?”

Again Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret

jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me

one more time, I’ll break it in half ! !” The Nun fainted.

<><><> A puzzle ~~ What do these people have in common?

Kofi Annan, Jerry Hall, Alanis Morrisette, Isabella Rosellini,

Kiefer Sutherland, Mario Andretti, Curtis Strange,

Joseph Fiennes and Montgomery Clift.

Answer in Comments. I did not know until I read it.

<><><><><><> Bye for now. <><><><><><>

9 comments:

Big Dave T said...

You're always good for a pick-me-up on those days when I'm feeling a bit blue. I'm going to have to use that "comb-free" on my brother-in-law whose folically challenged.

Hmmmmm, that test. I see names with a lot of double letters Andretti, Annan, Morrisette, Rosellini. I'll bet the answer has something to do with the number 2. And I'm a pretty good guesser ;)

Merle said...

Answer ~~ Sorry Dave not the right answer. You were too quick for me.

They all had a lesser known twin.

Ava said...

Hi!

Happy birthday to John!!!!

As always, enjoyed the post!

Thanks!

Ava

Gandksmom said...

Wow, I didn't know that! BTW - I am sorry to hear about your Grandson. I hope beyond all hope that he gets well soon. He is in my prayers.

Hale McKay said...

A twin? I was going to guess that they were either married to Elizabeth Taylor or Mickey Rooney! (That's the first think I think of when see a long list.)
...The list of "billions" was quite interesting. I always like those PC things.
...Wonderful post.
...Happy birthday to your son.

Karen said...

Saw you over at Mike's (hale mckay) and thought I'd drop by...
glad I did, nice blog. I'll be back!

btw, happy birthday to your son!!

Janice said...

Hi Merle,

I'm Short so I guess that makes me Vertically Challenged.

LOL, on the Mary Margret joke, my daughter laughed until her side ached!

Happy B-Day to your son, and many happy returns.

Janice~

Granny said...

I always refer to myself as vertically challenged.

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